Recently, I spoke to college women about dating at the Women's Image Conference at Sacred Heart University in CT. Having been out of college for "some years," I wasn't sure what this age group would want to know. To prepare, I talked with a few women in their 20's, currently attending college.

How surprised was I to discover that things aren't that different from the issues I discuss with women 35+. Here's what the younger generation says or wants to know about finding a loving relationship:

• Many are putting off dating to focus on getting good grades and finishing school
• A few said dating was a lot like a bad shopping trip
• The answer to many dating dilemmas is basic common sense
• Strategies to turn guy friends into boyfriends

Thinking about the answers to these questions and concerns, I came up with a well-received presentation, which I'll highlight here:

Put Off Dating Until an Ideal Future Time

First of all, while it sounds like a good idea to put off looking for love while getting settled in life, a lot depends on how long that settling process takes. Postponing the search for a life mate becomes problematic when you start to realize there will never be a truly convenient time to look. The next project, promotion, or new client will always require your attention. There's a great quote about putting work first and your life on hold that states, "No one ever put 'Wish I worked more' on their grave stone." Good point.

There's no better time than the present to give your social life and search for love the attention it deserves. As I often remind my clients - the number one priority in life is you! Pry yourself out of the "work is more important" rut and get out there to find the love you deserve. This is good advice for any age.

Dating is Like a Bad Shopping Trip

This can be true when you aren't clear about what you want in a partner. If you don't have a list of qualities that describe your ideal partner - start one right now! Knowing the personality characteristics that will mesh with you and specific qualities helps you eliminate prospects that won't suit you. And it will help you take a second look at a possible suitor, who might have escaped your attention otherwise.

Rely on Common Sense to Handle Issues

These 20 year old women shocked the stuffing out of me when they told me with straight faces that most of dating boiled down to common sense. Who were these girls and who brought them up to be so incredibly smart? I know plenty of women more than twice their age who are still trying to figure out what their men are doing. Forget figuring it out - use common sense instead. If he's treating you poorly, not keeping promises, not around much, or inconsistent, then wake up and smell the coffee. Stop making excuses for bad behavior.

Converting Friends into Romantic Partners

Lastly, while there are no hard/fast rules about male friends, the likelihood that they can be converted to boyfriend status is amazingly slim. If you've been friends for a while and find romantic feelings sprouting, see less of your buddy and go out to meet new people. People often rely on opposite sex friends as replacement for lack of a romantic interest. That's not a bad thing, but it can become a crutch if you're avoiding finding a romantic relationship.

Generally, if a man has romantic interest, he'll do something about it. If he hasn't made a move, he probably isn't going to. And, the longer you've been friends, the bigger the risk of ruining the relationship you already have. Either way, these men aren't likely to shift gears, so move on to find someone who doesn't have confusing friendship baggage with you.

In the end, whether you are 20 something, or 60 something, the dating process is surprisingly similar. Wear something fabulous to boost your confidence, put on a smile and get out there to find the love you want and deserve.

©2006

Show All Articles By Ronnie Ann Ryan

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