Men seem to have a big problem with prejudices and first impressions. They're missing out on a lot of good things by letting these misconceptions decide which women are worthwhile.

A few months ago, a man responded to a magazine poll that "if a woman doesn't order a glass of wine with dinner, I can write off the evening, because I know she's not going to bed with me that night." I have a friend who is allergic to alcohol, so will never order a glass of wine with dinner, because she'd be comatose in the emergency room before dessert. Yet, I can count on one hand the number of times she hasn't slept with a guy on the first date. So much for that guy's theory.

All through high school, I was rejected by one guy after another because I wore glasses. Without knowing anything about me, they were sure I was a nerd, a geek, and would only want to talk about intellectual literature. So imagine the surprise that went through the school when I participated in a charity softball game, got a hit every time up, and made several blazing throws for incredible outs. (I played in an out-of-town league every summer.) One of the guys decided to say something to me after the game and discovered I was far more conversant with the local professional baseball team's batting averages than with (ick) soppy poetry or (gag me) Victorian romantic novels. While his cute-as-a-button girlfriend was dragging him to chick flicks, the nerdy four-eyes he wanted nothing doing with was going to see the James Bond movie he really wanted to see. I've read almost every Tom Clancy novel there is, and have never even thought about checking a Jane Austen out of the library. So much for stereotypes about girls who wear glasses.

A while back, I had a blind date where the guy apparently never showed up. I called the person who'd set it up, who called the guy in question and reported back that "He saw you come in and decided that because your hair was pulled back and you were wearing a suit, you were too uptight and straitlaced, and he didn't want a relationship with a woman who was going to make him wait till you're engaged before sex, so he slipped out the side door." I had come directly from a client meeting at my conservative workplace ... which I had let my date know was the reason I might be a little late. I couldn't very well attend the meeting with bedroom hair, an animal print halter top, and a leather miniskirt -- not if I wanted to keep my job, anyway. He lost out on a relationship with a spontaneous, fun-loving woman by making up his mind at a glance that my work "uniform" was who I really am. They pay me damn well to dress that way, so he also lost out on a woman who could afford to spoil him with gifts and weekend vacations.

Men have also lost out on what they were really looking for by making erroneous assumptions that:

-- a professional woman has no domestic skills (I hate dusting, but I cook better than most restaurant chefs, and would rather show off my talents at home than eat out)

-- a woman who eats at Chez Expensive with clients will insist on eating there even if you can't afford it (most of the time, I'd give my eyeteeth for Taco Bell, but the firm doesn't think that would impress the clients very much; if I never set foot in the fancy restaurant near my office again it will be too soon, because their food stinks, but that's where the firm has an account, so that's where we go)

-- when I say I'm divorced because there was another woman, it was because my husband didn't get enough at home (he could have gotten all the sex he wanted if he'd changed his work schedule to match mine, but he preferred to sleep till noon and work nights, which means we were never home at the same time -- he ran off with a co-worker on the same shift)

-- all women who hail from New York are ball-busters (I am assertive, but I'm happiest with a take-charge man; I make enough decisions at work)

-- I am looking for marriage as soon as possible because all women my age hear their biological clock ticking (I detest children)

-- a woman who relaxes by doing needlework is looking for a traditional marriage so she can be a stay-at-home wife (my limit on "retirement" is about three months)

-- any woman who can discuss sports is a dyke (did you ever think that maybe she grew up in a house full of brothers?)

-- a woman who's too polite to use profanity in public is a prude in bed (I find it easier not to swear in front of clients if I don't get used to doing it in my private life, either)

-- the only way to get a woman into bed is to get her blood alcohol to an unsafe level (I will go with you if I'm interested, getting me drunk will not change my mind)

-- that the guy I'm with in the bar must be my boyfriend, not a client or co-worker or relative (9 of the last 10 times I've been in the bar nearest my office, it has been with my boss after we've had a rough day)

-- that a woman dressed this well is going to demand expensive gifts (I can afford to buy my own toys)

-- that a woman who's active in charities is going to force you to volunteer along with her (not unless you try to force me to join your touch football team and take up marathoning with you)

-- that a woman who earns a good salary is interested in supporting you while you "find yourself", "finally write that book", "establish yourself as an artist", etc. (I spend my money on myself; if you want to take a year off, you can damn well save up your own money toward your goal)

-- that I want to hear every joke you know about NooYawkCiddy or the legal profession as your opening line (they weren't funny the first dozen times I heard them, and all you're doing is exposing your prejudices to a woman who's looking for a man with an open mind)

-- that a woman who admits to having domestic skills is just dying to care for your elderly mother or have full custody of your two kids with ADHD (I have my own elderly parents, who are cared for quite competently by someone else, and if I wanted kids, I would have had my own)

-- that when I say I don't want kids, I only mean I don't want to waddle through pregnancy (it also means I don't want to raise yours from a prior marriage, or spend all my weekends amusing them instead of relaxing from a hectic week at the office)

-- that you will be able to change my mind about not wanting children if you try hard enough (I also don't want a man who thinks that childish pouting, whining and pleading will get him anywhere)

And for you guys who are convinced that girls with big boobs make better lovers and won't even say hello to a gal with a flat chest..... I have a friend who was an extremely early bloomer. She was so traumatized by men grabbing a handful of her DDs when she was still psychologically a child that she's basically frigid. On a good day and with a little padding, I just about fill out an A cup. What I lack in cleavage, I make up in enthusiasm, creativity, stamina, sensuality, and the flexibility to assume almost any position in the Kama Sutra. Too bad you guys who are "going for bust" are never going to find out what you're missing. By the way, I am in my 40s and they're still perky as a teenager's ... I go braless most of the time; my friend's hang down to her waist when she's not trussed up in her cast iron corset. I don't know about you, but my boyfriend would rather grab a handful of soft flesh in the hallway than mangle his knuckles on the metalwork that holds her t*ts up.

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