If you're trying to discern what women want, it's probably a good idea to first get a grasp on what they don't want. Instead of analyzing what women love about men, let's take a look at what they don't love about men - and how you can use this information to your advantage.

Insecurity

When playing the dating game, don't get too crafty. Women dislike a man who attempts to woo them with meaningless flattery but, even worse, they hate it when men fail to show interest at all. There's such a thing as being too cool. As unfair as it may be, women are used to being pursued, and that means you have to be the pursuer. So abandon your insecurities and ask her out, already! This doesn't mean you should immediately pour your heart out to her, overwhelming her with your every little thought about her lips, her eyes and the 14 children you imagining having together. Save something for your follow-up dates and be complimentary, but controlled, during your first few dates.

Confidence is one of the personality traits that women admire most in a man, so if you have the confidence to put yourself on the line and take risks, that's enormously attractive. If you're sure of yourself, a woman will be sure that it's a good idea to be in a relationship with you. It's as simple as that. Women often adore the shy wallflower, but not if he's too insecure to make a move.

Insecurity can work against you on another level, as well. If you're insecure in a relationship, exhibiting jealousy when your partner talks to other men or always moaning that you're not good enough, you'll drive her away - probably into the arms of someone more confident.

The boring nice guy

Women value spontaneity in a man. They like those enigmatic guys - the ones who'll surprise them. This is probably why so many women seem to inexplicably fall for "bad boys" - it's not that they want to get hurt (although that's often the result) but they enjoy the excitement of being with someone who keeps things from getting dull. So don't get locked into that daily routine too easily. So don't be too predictable - instead of giving her the usual chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day, surprise her with a home-cooked meal. Make an unexpected visit to her workplace. Buy her a puppy. Whatever you do, just be creative and keep her guessing!

Dishonesty

This is probably not too surprising - no one likes a dishonest partner. Women want to be treated with respect, and that means telling her the truth. So if you take her out on a date but don't see the relationship going anywhere, don't tell her you'll call her - tell her, nicely, that she's terrific but you don't think you should keep seeing each other. Communication is important, whether on a first date or after five years of marriage. Honesty is both ethical and considerate. Just as you hate it when she tries to get you to read her mind, don't expect that she can read yours.

Honesty is even more important if you hope for the relationship to last for the long term. If you lie to your partner, you're dooming your relationship. Even during the break-up stage, a women deserve honesty. Don't feed her cliches - just tell her the truth of why you feel it's best to end the relationship.

Laziness

Not the kind of laziness that means you lounge around on the couch all weekend watching sports, although many women find that distasteful, too. No, the laziness we're talking about is the kind you exhibit when you dismiss her feelings as irrational or the result of her period. If she's upset about something, take the time to discuss it with her. Don't brush off her by blaming them on her menstrual cycle. Engage in open, honest communication about issues that come up in your relationship - don't make her do all the heavy lifting by making her responsible for all the emotional work. If you don't take genuine interest in her concerns, it makes her feel like you're disinterested in her as a person.

Hygiene

Women are expected to make themselves physically attractive. From their hair and makeup to shaving, plucking and waxing, they go through a lot to look and smell their best - so it shouldn't be too much to ask that you make an effort, too. Go to the gym, shave every day, and make sure you wear deodorant. Paying attention to your own grooming not only shows that you value yourself, but that you care about how you present yourself to her.

Different women find different things distasteful, of course - women are individuals, after all. While these tips are a good general guideline, the best way to know what turns a woman off is to ask her. Be well-groomed, honest and spontaneous, and you're off to a great start with any woman.

©2006

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