The Wandering Eye Issue

Among the many things that can ignite a heated discussion on an otherwise peaceful day is the issue of the 'wandering eye'. Our make-believe couple, Jim and Heather, are walking down the street hand in hand on a Saturday afternoon. As Heather is talking about the various things that went on during the week Jim turns his head to take an extended look at the pretty girl who just walked by. Heather catches him, Jim denies it and next thing you know Jim's wandering eye has just earned him Heather's cold shoulder.

Before I say anything I would like to preface it with the statement that I do not believe in stereotypes. I firmly believe that for every 'generality' that applies to either sex there are many people who do not fall into those same generalities. However, as a whole, there are some basic differences between men and women that apply to the majority. If this were not the case then men and women would not have so many challenges facing them trying to understand each other in a relationship.

One of these differences is in the area of 'initial attraction'. Again, generally speaking, most women are initially attracted to their perception of who a man is, rather than what he looks like. The two are obviously tied together since she appraises what a man 'is all about' at first by the type of clothes he wears, the condition of his car, his speech, mannerisms, job, hobbies, etc. But it is not so much his physical 'appearance', but his physical 'presence' that she is interested in. "Does he seem responsible? Is he a flake? Is he a goal-oriented, independent individual? Is he a total loser?" These are the sort of first impressions many, though not all, women are seeking out when they find their curiosity peaked about a new man.

Men, however, are not quite so involved or complicated when it comes to that first 'initial attraction'. I have known many, many a scoundrel and almost as many good-hearted Christian men but one thing I have found to be a common denominator amongst all from the most upright of Pastors to the committed pagan of lowest grade... they are all at a weakness when it comes to noticing a woman's body. This is so true that it strikes me strangely ironic that women spend so much time picking out what shoes to wear when it is not shoes that attract a man's attention. (Personally I think it is other women they are worried about, but that's another issue.) No, instead the first impression being surmised by most men is that of physical appearance. The old 'bust-waist-hip' formula along with a particular man's fancy are the first things he will find himself entranced by when a woman with those parameters passes his way.

Now, the thing to keep in mind is that these are only the 'initial', first, things we tend to notice. This is not how normal, healthy people make sound decisions about relationships from beginning to end. The items mentioned are only our basic 'instinctual' responses. With time a responsible woman will investigate a man's personality and heart aside from whether his car is waxed or not. And likewise a responsible man will take the time to see whether personality and heart are present in a woman aside from whether or not she appears to be the 'ideal dream girl' he's been seeking since puberty.

With these premises in mind, let's return to the issue of the 'wandering eye'. Yes, it is true most men have this habitual instinct that infuriates the average woman. But this does not let the man off the hook or give him license to disrespect his girlfriend or spouse with such behavior. Meanwhile, even though a woman has every right to feel offended by such behavior, it would be unreasonable to expect a man to never again notice a cute girl that passes into his line of vision.

So where then do we find some working rule-of-thumb that takes each side's perspective into account? On a woman's side, she needs to talk to her spouse/boyfriend at a time when she has his undivided attention. Let him know that you are offended and ask him how he'd feel if you spent time alone talking to other men she might find attractive. I say this because if you ask him, "How would you like it if I looked at other men?", chances are this won't phase him in the least. Most observant men know it is not the guy who -looks- at his girlfriend he needs to worry about, it's the guy who gets his girlfriend's ear that he has to worry about. (Remember, a man's imagination is stirred by what he 'sees'. A woman's imagination is stirred by what she hears, or perceives.) After making your feelings known it comes down to what sort of man you have on your hands. The type who will just make excuses for himself or the type who will hear what you're saying and try to curb his behavior for your benefit.

As to the man's side.. I know what you're thinking. "It's impossible! There's no way I'll never again notice some 'babe' walking in front of me." Take a moment to look at the issue. Your girlfriend/spouse is upset not because she thinks you're going to run down the sidewalk with some total stranger just because of large breasts. (But if you did, she'd count herself better off without you.) No, instead she's offended because it is disrespectful of her in front of everyone else around you. She's concerned about all those people nearby who are going to whisper, "I feel sorry for her.. look at how her boyfriend is drooling over every other girl but her." Even when I'm with a "friend who is a girl, but not my girlfriend" they are apt to feel that same insecurity, even though I'm not in a relationship with them.

Instead, men, you have a two-phase plan to carry out unless you really DO want to hear your girlfriend/spouse give you this lecture every time you go out. First phase is 'notice, but don't dwell'. Spend the same amount of nanoseconds looking at that gorgeous woman as you would spend looking at some fat guy with a bad haircut. And then look somewhere else. If there's a plethora of women around, such as at the beach, then look at your girlfriend while she's talking to you. (This earns you points in her favor by the way.) Yes, you're just pretending you don't want to look.. but with your girlfriend/spouse they aren't interested in whether you -want- to look (they already know that much).. they are interested in whether or not you are going to -actually- look. By 'notice, but don't dwell' what I mean is a simple "no second look and no single long fixation". It's the second look and long look that are getting you into trouble. Excuses and denial won't get you anywhere with your girlfriend/spouse.. so don't even think you can talk your way out of it if you keep it up.

Second phase is more pro-active. Almost extra-credit. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of excuses you might say. Knowing that you are naturally drawn to notice attractive women (hence they are called 'attractive', for they 'attract' you, do they not?)... next time it is obvious to you and your spouse that there is one of these 'eye-targets' in view, maneuver you body in such a way that it is obvious to your girlfriend you are not looking. Subtle, but effective. It may take a while before your significant other realizes you really are trying your best, which is about all you can do. Some women are more sensitive about this than others. My girlfriend and I have talked openly about this issue before and she knows it's normal that I would 'notice' a woman (or any person for that matter) without having to 'dwell' or fixate about it.

A closing note about the tension this issue often brings up. It is normal for a woman to feel offended and make her feelings known when she catches you 'eye-groping' some other woman. But when this same argument is used when you are simply conversing with a female friend from work, or other acquaintance, then it may be worth looking into the 'Jealousy'article written previously.

All in all it must be remembered that you can show your love for your girlfriend/spouse not only by getting her flowers, leaving her little notes in her purse and such.. but also by also by putting in some effort to curb this natural habit most men have which bothers her more than you might imagine. By doing so you've again told her you love her by your actions and not just your words. For those who insist on ignoring or excusing themselves from the issue it will only be a matter of short time before it becomes yet another brick in the wall that can divide you from your mate.

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The Elite Player's Guide to Getting Laid

There is no One Man who knows
Everything about getting Hot Women

Go out looking for men's dating books in a bookstore or online and you'll suddenly be introduced to a ton of gurus who seem to know everything about how to pick up a fine woman. Pay no attention to the fact that the people who write these books are all of different ages, facial features, weights, financial statuses, and origins. And it's funny because each one of these guys acts like the techniques that have worked for them individually in the past are the end to all dating strategies. In reality, there are a number of strategies that work for getting a girl to fall for you and just because one guy scored with a chick using some cheap card trick doesn't mean that it's going to work for the next guy.

Keeping this in mind, it was nice to finally find a dating guide author that kept this same thought in mind when he was dispensing his knowledge. Actually, it's not really his knowledge only as he has gathered the advice of several renowned dating experts in one single ebook. The Elite Player's Guide to Getting Laid takes a number of different dating theories from a number of different authors and seeks to provide a variety of alternatives for guys to use in their quest to become a player.

We have George Spellwin to thank for this wonderful ebook and we also have to thank him for his insight into how one can avoid "death row" in a nightclub. Any guy who likes to occasionally go out to bars or nightclubs has witnessed the death row group that just stands around or sits at the tables watching the girls on the dance floor. Hell, any guy who goes out has, at least once in their life, fell into this oddly inviting trap. Spellwin offers a simple solution to the problem that 90% of the guys in any club can relate to.

The most intimidating aspect of dating hands down is also covered here in Spellwin's huge Approach section. He covers every aspect of meeting a woman from where the best places are to pick up a chick to how to talk to a female who might seem overly-intimidating. I especially like the area of this section where expert Ross Jeffries speaks of verbal pacing and interesting a woman to listen to your, introduction, comment about the present situation that you are both in, and your takeaway.

Jeffries isn't the only consulted expert that is knowledgable though as Spellwin even goes back in time to the 70's and talks to one of the original dating experts, Don Diebel, for his advise on the do's and don't of "fluff" talk. The rules of casual BS'ing with a new woman are so overlooked in the rest of the dating books when it is something that, if not followed properly, can cause a guy to crash and burn within the first five minutes of meeting a chick. Diebel's knowledge of the subject still remain extremely relevant in today's times and he nails this with flying colors as his advice here alone can raise a guy's chance of getting with a woman greatly.

One thing that might prove disheartening to some is Ray Parker's "foxhunting technique" which basically states that the guys who get hot women are highly blessed with some (or all) of the following traits: good looks, smarts, fame, and fortune. He believes that if you don't have any of these traits, then you need to improve in some of these areas or forget the hot chicks and just go for the ones in your league. And while most will totally disagree with this section, it never hurts one's dating status to try and improve their self.

Even if you don't choose to spend a bunch of time on self-improvement, you can still dramatically improve yourself in the dating category by checking out the arsenal of women-drawing techniques, tricks, and tips that George Spellwin and the rest of the experts he consults have to offer you.

Get the Advice of Several Dating Experts in a Single E-Book