As editor of a singles magazine for 26 years plus, I received a letter recently from a middle aged single man who said he had been featured in several singles magazines and personals columns all over the country and had not yet received a satisfactory response to his personal ad. Somehow the single women just would not give his personal ad a second look.

When I looked at his personal ad, I saw the problem. He had listed everything he wanted from a woman "attractive, slim, intelligent, good cook" and my favorite "she must be financially secure." Yet he had not mentioned any of the benefits he was willing or able to give her, except his lovely, self-centered self.

No one is attracted to an ad that lists all the qualifications the other person must measure up to. Focus on selling yourself and your good qualities in your ad. Ask yourself, what do I have to offer another human being that would make him or her want me? How could I make the life of another person better?

Be honest with yourself. Long-term relationships are about serving another person, not being served. Serving self interests and looking to another person to meet all your needs while you offer little or nothing, will not support a marriage or even a friendship. Ideally and in reality, love that survives lays down its life for the other person.

If you don't have anything to offer, or if you are unwilling to offer anything, rethink your reasons for wanting a relationship in the first place. And then see if you can develop some qualities that will nurture another human being - generosity, unselfishness, good humor, optimism, trustworthiness - thereby making you extremely attractive as a potential partner.

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©2009 Sandra Turner

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