The Singles Cafe
The Singles Cafe
5 Stages Of Loveby Ruth D. KerceWhat are the stages of love? Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important. Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment. Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction. a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact. b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common -- hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground -- then an emotional attraction starts to form. An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred. Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance. (a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose of gaining something for yourself -- like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not. (b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness. Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled. Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau. From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage. Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings, your dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears). Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years. Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times. If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place. Love is worth the effort ... ©2000 Ruth D. Kerce Show All Articles By Ruth D. Kerce
Copyright (c) 2000, Ruth D. Kerce Writer of historical and contemporary romances, and webmaster of Addicted-to-Romance.com
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Back To Article IndexHow Do I Get Him Back?
Ladies, has this ever happened to you, or to another woman you know? You meet a great guy. You start dating and your relationship goes well over the first few weeks or months. You're convinced he's definitely into you -- maybe even in love with you. Suddenly, just when you start thinking he's Mr. Right, he loses interest in you and begins to pull away. You panic -- and you start asking yourself, "What happened?" Then comes the inevitable question ... "Where did I go wrong?"You spend all your time replaying in your mind over and over what happened during your last conversation or encounter with him, looking for clues as to what might have led to your breakup. What should you have done or said -- and what should you not have done or said? You say to yourself, "If only I could understand why he left me, I could fix it." Then, when you can't find anything you did wrong, you begin to wonder, 'What's wrong with him?' Maybe he's got a drug problem, maybe he met someone else, maybe he's got intimacy issues, maybe he's gay, and so on ... ad nauseum. Sound familiar? If so, you need to know... When do your acts of kindness, empathy, generosity, graciousness and taking pain away come across to a man as being controlling -- instead of being perceived as praiseworthy intentions? Why a man's imagination is the best thing you have going for you -- and how to use it to make him crave to be with you again. How to influence and shape your man's opinion of you -- and get him to see you as being more beautiful and more valuable, not someone who can be taken for granted. This Book is Worth Its Weight in Gold!"Wow, Bob Grant's book, How Do I Get Him Back, really opened my eyes to the truth about men. I used to think that all men generally have a love-'em-and-leave-'em attitude when it comes to dating women -- and that there was nothing I could do to make a man faithful to me. This book revealed an important concept about how to make a man regard me as someone of great value -- someone who's worth devoting his singular attention to. I'm forever grateful for this priceless information which I know will serve me for life. I appreciate this book even more because ever since I read it, I've been sharing what I learned from it with girlfriends and female members of my family who wanted to get their boyfriends back. I feel like a female Dr. Phil dispensing expert advice to women. -- Kristin Bennett, Los Angeles, California |
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