Do you remember singing that as a kid? My friends and I do. It was some song from the 50's or 60's (I'm not too sure exactly. It used to play on my parents radio station.) I think the real words were "smile, though your heart is breaking". We'd take a popular tune from the TV or the radio and change a word or two to make it funny. Do you remember that margarine commercial "If may think it's butter, but it's snot". That one was my favourite.

Okay, is there any point to this, or this the ramblings of some middle-aged author trying to reclaim his lost youth? Probably, but there is something to be learned from these one-kid wonder-hits we kept coming up with. They make you smile. Go ahead; you're aloud to chuckle at them. They used to make me smile when I was ten. In fact, if I remember correctly, my friends and I used to smile all the time. And if one of us weren't smiling, the rest of us would make faces or tell fart jokes until a smile appeared. At that age, only left over liver with a side order of brussel sprouts could wipe the perma-smiles from our faces.

Then, as we got older. Smiling wasn't so cool anymore. It was much better to act serious or tough. The lion's share of smiles and jokes became the property of the class clown. How come? (Don't look at me. I'm asking you.)

And now we're all grown up. And were're thinking about the opposite sex. I know I am. I think about the opposite sex all the time. Hell, just looking at the grease nipple on the front ball joint of my car makes me horny. And, I blush when I order a chicken breast from the meat counter at the grocery store. What, you too? I knew I wasn't alone. Does thinking about the opposite sex make you smile? Hey, me too! So why don't we smile that much when we are face to face with the opposite sex? Are we too nervous? Are we just way too cool to smile? Are we trying to show just how serious we can be? Maybe.

How does it feel when you're nursing a beer at the bar and the good-looking person beside you flashes you a great big smile? I don't know about you, but I get all gushy inside. So if you flash your pearly whites a lot, sooner or later, you're bound to make someone go all gushy inside too. Isn't it amazing that in a group of people, it's always the person who smiles a lot that gets the most attention? (Well sometimes it's the women with the enormous breasts who gets all the attention, but that's an unfair example.) Everyone feels comfortable around a person who smiles a lot. And that someone could be you. That someone should be you. Of all the advice you pick up from these articles, nothing will work better than a good old fashion smile. (Well that, and an American Express Gold Card with no spending limit, but that's also an unfair example.) So, next time you're out, flash a smile and check out the results.

Now, of all the articles listed here, why are you reading this one? Am I the most famous author here? No. Are my credentials any better than anyone elses? I somehow doubt it. Am I the most gifted writer since Shakespeare? Now you're just teasing. All the other articles are packed full of advice, tricks of the trade, how to and how not to, by a range of qualified authors, doctors and love-in gurus. So why are you reading this? Because it's funny and it makes you smile.

I rest my case.

© Mark Patton

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