To have serious intimacy in your relationship, you have to deliberate what it is about. Literally, it means to "the state of being intimate with someone" or "the quality of being contented, affectionate or familiar." Figuratively, it has different interpretations between men and women but both sexes need the belongingness and exclusivity it brings in the marriage. It is a practice of opening up -from the shallowest to the deepest core of yourself to your significant other. Like everything else, it has four elements. These are physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. The physical includes touching and being affectionate. Your warm hugs and sweet kisses, your back rub and massages are forms of this physical element.

Sex is a major component of this. For your husband, this is really important. It's one of his gauges if you still love him. The more intimate you are in this aspect the more he feels he is being loved. Another aspect is the emotional. This is where you talk about your needs, wants, fears, aspirations, opinions and feelings. Basically everything that involves your negative or positive emotional issues regarding yourself and your relationship is included in this factor. This is what you protect and guard the most. If there's a test in this aspect your man would probably fail.

This is because your man is inherently afraid to open up or even talk about everything that includes emotions. For you, however, this is what relationship is all about. It's uncomfortable for you to step in to being physically intimate when the emotional aspect is struggling. It has to be established before anything else. Mental factor includes how your intellectual wavelength meets. Your culture, your education, your breeding comprises your being intellectually intimate. Just like the emotional factor it has to be nurtured and worked upon. The spiritual aspect for some can be the most challenging to compromise. This includes how you respect each others religion, beliefs (or lack of it), traditions, and faith.

Aside from the four aspects, serious intimacy has two categories- self and social intimacy. The latter is your capability to get intimate with your partner while former is your capacity to communicate and delve in to your inner-self. Self-intimacy is how you define and recognize yourself. How you are able to deal and heal from your scarred experiences. Above all else, self-intimacy should be established first than any other. You cannot share serious intimacy with someone else if you don't have it within yourself. Without it, you will always be lost and wondering what you really want in your life and in your relationship.

Everything about serious intimacy is profound trust and if you don't have that in you then being able to get intimate with your partner can be impossible. Now that we are done deliberating about the serious intimacy, let's go to the really important stuff- applying it into your marriage. Serious intimacy should be progressive and should adjust in the changes of your relationship and your needs as years pass by. It's what makes the relationship special and lasting, especially if you have been married for quite some time now. The best strategy is to assess every aspect of your life- physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual and measure how intimate you are in each aspect and resolve which aspect of your life needs intimate attention.

Nothing can be stronger than a marriage with serious intimacy in every aspect. Consider this as the best gift you can give yourself, your partner and to your marriage.

©2009 Ruth Purple

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