The Singles Cafe

Self Image - Part 2

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Central to genuine success is a positive and realistic self image. However, throughout the course of a given day we are exposed to negative feedback- in the form of the media and comments from others. Throughout the course of our lives, we frequently harbour damaged self images- this stops us discovering our full potential. Don't try to imitate others, but see yourself as a unique person who can make a mark in the world. Many people have not taken seriously what I have been trying to do in my writing. Perhaps they are right that I'll never be successful!

Hindrances to a positive self image: 1. Continual habit of self deprecation. (example: see last sentence in previous paragraph).

Many people put themselves down, pointing to their inabilities, inadequacies and weaknesses. People generally underestimate their capabilities and stress weaknesses rather than strengths- particularly women and in CV's. I believe this is the reason why many people live lives of mediocrity, never becoming what they might have been by realising their full potential.

2. A false sense of security.

Most people plod on in steady secure jobs (which they don't like), rather than stepping out into the unknown. Change is not nearly as dangerous as what people think. Says he!

3. Most people remember past failures with guilt rather than celebrating what they did well. Take the credit yourself, no matter how small your achievements.

4. SNIOP=We are all very easily susceptible to the negative influences of other people . Don't listen when others say you can't do it. It just makes them feel better in their "mediocre little lives".

5. Dare to be different and to what your heart says. FOLLOW YOUR DREAM... whatever it may be.

How to overcome a poor self- image

"Imagination rules the world." - Napoleon

"Imagination is the world." - Einstein

(Repeated by a slightly inebriated friend of mine standing on a table at a nurses dance). Thanks Peter "Allie".

Utilise the Power of your Imagination.

Don't think negatively in terms of failure. Change your attitude by visualising achieving your goals. If you want to change your self image, change your imagination by letting your mind dwell on what you want to be in the future.

If you want to change your behaviour, the quickest and easiest way is to change your own attitude. You don't necessarily need to change jobs or location. That's a big mistake I've made!

Establish a New Identity.

Use your mind. If you identify with a low self image, you will continue to view yourself poorly. Free yourself of your bad memories and fears of failure. If you are not happy with yourself, you may need to use the erase button, and record a new image to play back to yourself ... on the videotape of your mind, but without the old negative bits.

Your self image is your most precious asset. Make it a daily task to build it, to nourish it and to feed it.

Be Open to Growth & New Opportunities.

Serendipity - Most of my successes have come purely by chance by being in the right place at the right time, as well as staying positive even when things look bad. No, not bad but really perilous sometimes stuck in a big black hole full of that "smelly brown stuff".

"The image that concerns most people is the reflection they see in other people's minds." - Edward De Bono, famous writer on the concept of lateral thinking

In other words, I believe that too many people are worried about what others think of them.

Set Definite Goals:

Man is a goal-seeking organism. His personality is controlled not as much by his past accomplishments and present environment, as by his future goals.

People with no definite goals have an unfocussed life - they accomplish little of substance. An unfocussed life is a wasted life, and a wasted life is most open to a low self image. If you have no goal, where will you focus your abilities? How will you direct your life? Crystallise your goals ...then action them.

GOALS BRING SUCCESS Setting and then achieving them. They give structure and a plan to our lives, no more than that... a purpose, a reason for being. So write down your daily goals. Numerous studies have shown that man uses only 10% of his abilities throughout his lifetime and only 5% of the population have any written goals.

So then, WHAT HOPE DO THEY HAVE OF EVER ACHIEVING THEM?

SPEAK POSITIVE WORDS Always think the best of others. We all have disappointments, but never allow disappointments to trigger negative words of resentment and anger. Words that lead to self pity and depression.

EXERCISE POSITIVE FAITH

NB: Have Faith in yourself, but especially in God.

The Bible said: "As I think I behave." Don't ask me where to find it though? (could some "Bible-basher" please let me know where I found that quotation).

"How you see yourself is more important than how other people see you." ASK YOURSELF:

+ + -

1. What do I do well? What do I do poorly?

2. What do I like most about What do I like least about myself? myself?

3. Of which results/achievements Which areas of my life need of mine am I most proud? the most attention?

* The more you add to the left hand side of the ledger, the more you will outweigh the negatives you have accumulated over the years. Instead of being your own worst enemy, you can be your own best friend. You're bound to have more on the left hand side than on the right.

A word to end off this chapter...

"Fall in love with yourself and be sure of a life-long romance."

I LOVE MYSELF

I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM THERE'S NOTHING I NEED TO CHANGE I WILL ALWAYS BE THE PERFECT ME THERE IS NOTHING TO RE-ARRANGE I AM BEAUTIFUL AND CAPABLE OF BEING THE BEST ME I CAN AND I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM

I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE THERE IS NOTHING YOU NEED TO DO WHEN I FEEL THE LOVE INSIDE MYSELF IT IS EASY TO LOVE YOU BEHIND YOUR FEARS YOUR RADIANT HUES I SEE YOUR SHINING STAR AND I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

I LOVE THE WORLD THE WAY IT IS 'CAUSE I CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT ALL THE THINGS I JUDGE ARE DONE BY PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME SO TILL THE BIRTH OF PEACE ON EARTH THAT ONLY LOVE CAN BRING I'LL HELP THAT GROW BY LOVING EVERYTHING.

I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM AND STILL I WANT TO GROW THE CHANGE OUTSIDE CAN ONLY COME WHEN DEEP INSIDE I KNOW I'M BEAUTIFUL AND CAPABLE OF BEING THE BEST ME I CAN I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM.

Thanks Kaye.



©

Show All Articles By Craig Lock



Authors Note:

Craig Lock has written extensively in the field of self help. This extract is from his first published book HANDBOOK FOR SURVIVAL IN THE NINETIES (which has been updated and renamed HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM) . These books are available here

"HANDBOOK TO SURVIVE THE NINETIES AND THE NEW CENTURY A collection of writings on various subjects to help every man or woman survive in a rapidly changing, uncertain world. HANDBOOK is written in a simple style to help the 'everyperson' make the most of themselves and their lives easier. It takes an introductory look at what motivates us and how to set goals... to find our true purpose for being on this planet. Also how to handle the stresses life throws at us. I found it very helpful for my own life."

- Birgitta, Minerva Press (UK)

Craig's Personal Site

Creative Writing Course:

Brand new gift site:

PS: Dear Americans, please excuse my British English spelling. Very Colonial! I am quite happy for these articles to be used and distributed by other electronic and other magazines (as long as credit is given). If they help others out there in any way, then I'm happy.

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