Tricks, without true sexual understanding, are empty, robotic... lifeless. Believe me, if sexual expertise simply requires rote tricks, then I would have simply thrown a bunch of cheap tricks to your face. We would have taken that route and my job would be much easier.

The real secrets of lovemaking are NOT suppressed, subverted, or reserved only for the sexual elite.

The opposite is true - they are sinfully plain to eyes and deceptively obvious, that's why very few men (or women for that matter), see them for what they truly are... MAGIC.

Their simplicity is their tragedy. These "secrets" are not hidden nor obscure, they are so self-evident that nobody really takes the time to notice them. They are easily taken for granted and nobody gives them second pass.

The biggest sex secrets are not moves, tricks or techniques - They are specific mindsets, beliefs and mental programming.

1- Visual VS. Multisensory

SIGHT will instantly ignite a man's pants. The sight of a foxy chick can get a man going...instantly! How about a woman? How can you make her brain think, "Sex...now!"

Well, women are MULTISENSORY.

Through the 5 SENSES, you can talk her brain to lust. By employing smell, taste, touch and sound, you can really get her going. (And that's certainly good news for guys with skinny bodies and ugly faces.)

Because of this sensitivity to various channels of sensual stimulation, Eve gets turned-on by a variety of things...things guys would never understand why.

We agree that curves are sexy -- very visual. But women consider things like (1) the deep voice of a hunchback poet, (2) the sweet smell of mornings, (3) the rich taste of Swiss chocolate, (4) the warm breath fondling her neck - as "SEXY".

For guys, these are whacked. "What's with the hunchback and poetry thing?"

Moreover, men assume that women are highly visual like them, and guys still think their looks and external trappings are sufficient sexual come-ons. Starting today, when you think AROUSAL, go MULTISENSORY.

2 - Physical vs. Psychological

Every time SEX is on the table, two elements come in focus - there's a PHYSICAL and a PSYCHOLOGICAL- EMOTIONAL side.

Physical refers to those luscious lips you long to kiss, that pair of erect nipples on a horny woman's heaving bosom and that firm body you long to be on top of.

Psychological-Emotional can refer to many things. Since sex stands on an interaction and symbolic basis, the issues of self-esteem, self-control, self-concept, self- confidence, dominance and sexual hang-ups come in. Also included are the feelings for the person you're with... or the lack thereof. It's your perception of the relationship, is it a one-night stand or a long-term thing?

Men are naturally dialed to the physical. Huge breasts. Tight ass. And of course - a freak in bed, willing to try every silly trick in the book. Still, it doesn't mean the psychological-emotional issues never come in.

Women dig the Psychological-Emotional, and for many, sex presupposes an emotional connection. Not necessarily the "I'm so gonna marry this guy" feeling, but at least a feeling of closeness and comfort.

3 - Process VS. Goal

This is the 3rd crucial difference between men and women. Women ask, "What's with men? They want sex so bad, but when you finally give IT to them, they sure want it over as fast as possible!"

Guys are very goal-oriented. Look at everyday scenes and witness how we contrast with Eve. Take jogging at the park, for example. Observe how men and women go about this ritual and behold their idiosyncrasies.

Can you spot the differences?

Women are able to appreciate the view as they run, taking in the freshness of morning, sparing a second to marvel at flowers along the route. They are also more likely to smile at strangers along the way.

How about the men, how did we do? We were probably counting laps made, whilst cursing how many freakin' more to go, constantly looking over those heart rate gadgets strapped on our wrists. Heck, we would gladly step over flowers just to get from point A to B! Men have a thing for goals. And this predisposition inevitably gets carried over to the bedroom - displayed by an obsessive drive to 3 specific targets:

Goal # 1 = Take her clothes off Goal # 2 = Slide penis in Goal # 3 = Cum

But with Eve... it's not so much the destination; it's really more about the journey - WOMEN ARE PROCESS CREATURES. For them, sex is a moment by moment experience. (Hint to would-be great lovers)

With HER, she's thinking, "Ok what's happening, NOW... what's he doing down there, NOW... Ohhhh what he's doing NOW really feels good."

Can you sense the critical difference? They are on different worlds and different time zones! Women are into process, the Present - men obsess with goals - the Future.

So it's quite difficult for the goal-oriented and process- oriented creatures to be on the same page. Is one more correct than the other? No, but men ought to look into process so they won't miss the pleasures offered by along the way. If you've got eyes solely on the goal, you will miss on the beauty of the journey.

That's not to say that women don't bother if they cum or not, they just know that orgasms aren't everything, and their quality depends so much on going through due process. Sextraordinary is found in the PROCESS.

©2009 Michael Webb

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