Most romantic problems, such as affairs, divorce, abuse, etc., are symptoms, not the root cause of the problem.  These symptoms are indeed problems, but are not the basic problems. The three "basic disasters" in romantic involvements are:

1.  Infatuation.  People think they're in love, but they're not really, because they haven't spent enough time together and/or don't know what love is. If they establish a relationship based on infatuation, and continue it out of guilt or loneliness, one or more of the "symptoms" mentioned above (affairs, breakup, abuse, etc.) are likely to result.

2.  One-Way Love. It often happens that one person is in love but the other is not.  This is very sad for the "in-love" person. As with infatuation, a relationship (up to and including marriage) may be established based on the strong feelings of one person, but after time it will likely fall apart because of the unfulfillment experienced by the other.

3.  Lack of Knowledge and Skill.  Our society is not very good at teaching relationship skills. This can (and often does) destroy relationships even when there is solid two-way chemistry.  This situation is especially sad because it is possible to gain the necessary knowledge and skills (called emotional maturity), but many people don't.

Two Basic Solutions

There are many pieces to solving the relationship puzzle.  Two of the basic ones (think "corner pieces") are:

1.  Learn About True Romantic Chemistry. It is important to be able to recognize the difference between infatuation, sex, and true chemistry. Also, it is necessary to learn how the frequent imbalance of chemistry affects relationships.

2.  Learn About Emotional Maturity. Also of basic importance is being able to recognize when you or your partner lack some of the knowledge or skills necessary for a good relationship and get help.

A Life-Changing Concept

These three romantic disasters and two basic solutions suggest an important life-changing concept. It is as simple as it is fundamental. Without this, you are likely to continue repeating the mistakes of the past. Here is the life-changing concept:

Assess Your Relationships. Use the "Romantic Attraction Questionnaire" and the "Emotional Maturity Questionnaire" to assess your relationships. These two questionnaires were designed by a relationship psychologist, Dr. Harold Bessell, and have been proven to be over 90% accurate in predicting your future happiness. These questionnaires can be found in the book Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know The Odds).

©2006

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