"Each day is Valentine's Day"
(Lorenz Hart, "My Funny Valentine")

A lot of people---especially men---think that Valentine's Day is an artificial, over-hyped event that benefits only florists, restaurants, and upscale chocolate shops, and creates nothing but anxiety and depression for everyone else. There's no question that, like everything in our consumption-driven society, Valentine's Day is relentlessly promoted for commercial gain, and that too many people put too much emphasis on what they did or didn't receive (or what their lover did or didn't give).

But I do think that the idea of having a day that honors the place of romance in our lives is fundamentally a positive one. And I know that, rightly or wrongly, Valentine's Day has great symbolic meaning for most women. So, if you're a man, recognize reality, take your lovely lady someplace nice, and enjoy the evening.

Keep in mind, though, that romance is not a once-a-year thing. I say in my book that small-but-frequent espressions of love are much more appreciated than big-but-infrequent ones, especially if a) the big ones are only given on Valentine's Day or other "obligatory" events, and b) the man's attitude and behavior the rest of the time are anything but romantic. The rich guy who gives his wife a Jaguar convertible for Valentine's Day, and then ignores or verbally abuses her afterward, will soon find that she's driving the Jag to a hotel tryst with her new lover.

Love has to be expressed often---ideally, every day. But the expression of love does not have to break the bank. Yes, women do like gifts, but they can be simple things like some nice skin lotion or bubble bath. You don't have to make a big deal about it; just say that you saw it when you were at the store and it reminded you of her.

More important than tangible gifts, though, are the gifts of time and thoughtfulness. Notice what your wife is wearing, and compliment her on it. (You don't have to know anything about women's fashions to do this; just say, "That looks great on you"). Always say something when she gets back from the hair salon; women often need reassurance that their new style or color is flattering. Do some chores around the house---the ones she usually does---without being asked.

And touch her. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but brief, gentle touches as you pass by her in the kitchen or living room---just something to remind her that you notice her, and that you care.

Being romantic does not require the looks and sophistication of a Cary Grant or a George Clooney. All that's needed is what I call the "Four A's": awareness, attention, affection, and appreciation. If a man can consistently convey these qualities to his wife or girlfriend, each day will indeed be Valentine's Day, for both of them.

©2008

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