There is a strange sixth-sense which surrounds dating, an instinct which is indefinable and untraceable. Attraction in its most basic form is a governing and guiding force. However, this instinct can occasionally become blurred by other forces; influences of friends, stress, illness or sheer denial are just a few factors which can separate you from what you truly want. Sometimes it gets to the point where you have to accept that instinct, assess the situation and face up to the fact that this particular relationship may not be right for you.

Whilst an online dating website matches peoples' compatibility based on extended personal surveys, with someone you've met randomly you can never tell how fully compatible they are. The first stages of dating can be overpowered by physical attraction and you might have progressed quite far into the relationship before you realise that there are a few personality clashes. It might not be anything specific, just a nagging dissatisfaction and a few doubts creeping across your subconscious. How can you tell when this is just a momentary pessimism or a sign of incompatibility? Here are a few basic ways to decipher those doubts...

Listen to your inner voice

Finding that sixth-sense beneath the everyday worries can be very difficult. Do not let any exterior factors influence your decision. Certainly talk to other people about it, talking to others is a fantastic way to work something out. But don't imbibe their opinions; take this advice as impartial guidance. Going away for a few days and considering things from a distance will always help you find your inner instinct again, helping you discover what you really want.

Look at the patterns

Relationships are a bit of a rollercoaster and our emotions necessarily shift up and down depending on circumstances. But as a whole, the dips are caused by specific issues and when these are resolved, happiness once again reigns over the relationship. If you're finding repeated dips in how you treat each other, with arguments and tensions springing from nothing, then there could well be a problem.

Measure your happiness

Ask yourself honestly, how happy am I? Relationships are supposed to be the cause of satisfaction, tranquillity and joy rather than angst and doubt. Measure your mood with how you were before the relationship, and consider the other factors in your life that may be causing unease and affecting your mood. If you can't think of a reason why you're unhappy, it might well be something to do with your relationship.

List what you really want

It might be worth writing out a list of your thoughts. Not as blunt as Ross' 'pros' and 'cons' lists in Friends which lead to disastrous consequences, but more a documenting of your relationship preferences. What do you need from a partner? What have been the causes for ending relationships in the past? How do you want to feel when you're in a relationship? Focus on what you want and perhaps through writing you will figure it out.

Whether you are dating in New York dating or dating in London, make sure you are with the right person and living without doubt.

©2010 Steve Davis

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