Here is an idea for making the dating process more real. The next time you are out on a first or second date, be yourself.

Drop all pretense of trying to look or sound good. Drop trying to impress the person you are interested in. Don't take up conversations about topics that don't interest you, but instead talk about issues that touch you deeply. Instead of glossing over who you are, reveal yourself just enough for the person to get a good sense of you.

This may sound like a radical idea, but is it? Think about your life and the people you meet everyday. Remember the people you feel drawn to and are interested in. Those people tend to have a sparkle in their eyes. They seem to radiate a special something that makes you want to spend more time with them.

Often, these are the people who are comfortable with themselves. Comfortable with revealing who they are, without the need of a false front. Their ability to be themselves makes them magnetic and attractive.

Try this the next time you are in a conversation. Talk about subjects that really matter to you. Instead of commenting on subjects like perhaps the weather or movies. Perhaps it will be work,family,friends, or a hobby that are your passionate. Although there is some wisdom in staying away from potentially controversial topics such as politics or religion. If it matters to you, then it's a good topic for conversation.

More important than the topic you speak about is connecting with the person. Look him or her deeply in the eyes when you are speaking about what matters to you. Then watch the reaction.

Some people will be overjoyed that finally they have met someone real. They will gladly listen, then share on the same level about themselves. A genuine connection may be formed this way.

Some people will either ignore your words or ignore your attempt to connect or even try to argue about the topic you have brought up. If this happens, it tells you something about the person you are with. Sometimes it tells you that you are not with the right person. Sometimes it tells you the person is not having a good day.

At the very least, you learn something about how and whether to bring up that particular topic again with that person.

Isn't this something: you get to be yourself, and possibly get to forge a genuine connection with a new person. You may learn important things about the other person that you would not find out otherwise until much later into the relationship.

These benefits may be worth the personal risk of being genuinely yourself.

©2004

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