I'm sure you're familiar with the infuriating mantra about nice guys that you've heard repeated time and again from all sorts of women on these stupid afternoon gab shows: "...But Opal (name of god-like TV talk show host changed to protect my innocent bank account), there's no one out there for me to date -- all the guys are such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a, a... nice guy..." Waahhh!

Well, if you consider yourself to be one of these "nice guys" whom these women all claim to be searching for, but you still find yourself striking out with everything other than the very bottom of the food chain, then you must surely know what an enormous load of BS this is. So why do women keep it up with all this mythical nice guy stuff? As usual they are speaking in their own little code, which of course women are famous for doing in order to keep men thoroughly confused I guess.

The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating around women is that it communicates the absolute worse possible kind of subliminal message to them about your male status, namely... that's it's way down in the dumps somewhere. This is because nice guy behavior is NOT something that women see men as suddenly "switching on" in their presence in some sort of well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Not at all. Instead, they believe all this nice and sweet behavior is something that you've been trained to exhibit by the other, vastly more powerful men in your world. In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves. ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..." etc.).

To females then, over-the-top niceness is little more than a red flashing signal of Low Male Status, and therefore... an enormous TURN-OFF to them!

It is very difficult for most women to develop any sort of sexual mojo for a squishy nice guy. Nature has hardwired the female brain to seek out the most powerful male in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance for survival. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness, which of course indicates reproductive vitality, and ignore old women. And while male and female actions may be different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. "Maleness" and "femaleness" therefore can actually be thought of as two opposite but complimentary strategies for reproduction.

In the service of these independent tactical requirements, men and women are powerfully compelled to behave in different manners in order to execute these dissimilar strategies upon one another. The dance of mating and seduction in all creatures is linked inseparably to this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face of millions of years of evolution... or perhaps its design, who knows? Learn to play by it's rules however, and you will get your share of mating action!

So to help you out with this very subtle part of the game, here's my #1 "Nice Guy Rule" for you right now...

While you never want to actually ACT like a fawning nice guy around women... somehow, you always want to SEEM like one. Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to convey here? The problem with being nice is trying to be nice in a painfully obvious way rather than just letting it sort of happen. It just absolutely kills your mojo to come across as too enthusiastic a nice guy. You only need to drop a few hints here and there using your behavior and attitude that you could be one without making too big a deal about it.

See, when women imagine nice guys I think what they're really dreaming about is a man who makes them feel SAFE -- but in a very special sort of way that preserves his sexual attractiveness to them. Actually, this is not all that mysterious when you think about it from the female perspective. To a woman, a safe guy only means that you're (probably) physically harmless to her. In terms of what you could do to mash up her emotions, well...that's a completely different story. This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what most women are searching for in their relationships with men, at least initially.

So when you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you need to establish a few non-verbal lines of communication with her in a way that tends to provoke these first instinctual sorts of connecting-mating thoughts in her subconscious mind. To a lot of women this potential conflict -- this suggestion of sexual tension looming out there on the horizon -- is the very definition of "chemistry"!

Nice trick you say? Actually it's not horribly difficult to communicate non-verbally. Two ways in which you can smoothly transmit your possible desire are through extended eye contact -- and with the use of brief, non-offensive touches strategically placed here and there. Both casual when done correctly, but unmistakable in their genuine pre-romantic meaning to her!

This is how you can come across with the "class of a nice guy" without having to wear the low status stain along with it. You can further advance your classy nice guy status by... 1) slipping in suggestions of having strong family-friends relationships -- a sign to women that you're "connected and normal", or 2) that you have something EXCITING going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or perhaps some recent travel adventure of some kind, etc. This makes you seem adventuresome, involved, connected... hey, a really "nice" catch!

Add to this some of that deep eye contact to silently communicate a more-than-just-friendly interest in her, and now you've created enough of an edge to get her heart racing! At the very least, this type of behavior will keep you out of the deadly "friends zone" by showing the courage to make your desire apparent to her in a way that cannot be confused with the work of the desperate loser.

As an example, I used to work for a photography company. Maybe half a dozen to 20 times a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures around the Western New York area. Now sometimes when I'm chatting up a girl, I'll work in a quick little anecdote drawn from one of my old flying jobs... like how the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the height of mid-winter, or something semi-poetic like that. But then I make nothing more of it -- all done very nonchalantly. Nor do I fully explain how I came into the position of flying around making such observations in the first place. What am I involved in that would give me an opportunity to view this sort of natural wonder?

I allow little anecdotes about myself like this to ride as a tease for as long as I can without getting stupid about it. Sounds silly I know, but this type of deliberate manipulation of how you present yourself can create just a teeny bit of mystery. Remember, your flirt is always a gift to her -- and most every woman is fascinated by a man with an interesting approach. Curiosity can often capture a woman's attention just long enough for you to make a positive first impression. In a similar manner, you can drop hints about your educational status, finances, artistic talent or whatever you want to put over about yourself without bragging about it like a complete goofball.

Instead, you've presented yourself as a rare encounter in a universe of men that usually breaks down into sexless, boring nice guys or ultimately worthless (but alas, exciting!...) jerks. No matter what other flaws you might imagine yourself to have, you can become provocative to her in a way that at the very least she can't categorize as being "wimpy nice".

And as added frosting on the cake, coming across as an edgy sort of nice guy will open up a vast new playing field of opportunities for you because you've suddenly become attractive to a smarter, more self-respecting class of women who won't settle for jerks -- but are simply turned off by the squishy-boring variety of nice guy.

Which means that you can begin to operate with the certain, sexy confidence of the High Status Male!

©2007 Mike Pilinski

Back To Article Index