The Singles Cafe
The Singles Cafe
Are You Nervous?byOften young Juaners lament the fact that they can be smooth, charming, and SoSuave when dealing with women that they're not attracted to. But as soon as they meet someone that they are attracted to, they turn into a nervous, quivering, degenerative wreck. They get upset, angry at themselves, and even depressed. They feel that their nervousness is holding them back and preventing them from expressing who they really are... and getting the women that they really want. So the question very frequently pops up, "How can I relax when I'm around women that I'm attracted to? How can I control my anxiety and nervousness so that I come across as smooth and charming, rather than tense, anxious, and just plain strange?" Most of the traditional strategies for reducing nervousness in these situations fall into one of the following two categories: either you learn to tell yourself certain things designed to knock this lady off the pedestal you have her on, so that you can begin to see her more like an ordinary human being and less like a Goddess, or you modify your "catastrophizing" thoughts so that you come to the realistic conclusion, perhaps via trial and error, that the world will not come to an end if this particular lady decides not to jump your bones. Both strategies work fine, as far as they go. But personally, I prefer to use the following. This particular strategy fits into neither of the above categories, and, quite frankly, is much easier to implement and a lot MORE FUN. Not only will you not feel nervous, but you'll also benefit from enjoying the sensations of infatuation, while learning to use those feelings to your advantage in attracting women. Okay... The first and most important thing you need to realize, is that being nervous around a woman that you're attracted to isn't necessarily a BAD thing. In fact, it's actually quite a GOOD thing. It's something to be happy about, something to relish... because any woman who can make you feel nervous, tense, or even frightened, must be quite an amazing woman. Think about it. If she's having this kind of effect on you, if her mere presence is enough to make you sweat like a pig and utter completely nonsensical phrases, she must be pretty dadgum special! Right? This is wonderful. This is awesome. This is not the type of thing you should be depressed about and trying to "fight." This is the type of thing (and these are the types of emotions) you want to embrace, enjoy, and even celebrate. Yet most guys interpret their nervousness from a negative point of view. They mistakenly think that the anxiety and nervousness that they experience whenever "she" is around, is something that must be eliminated. Something that must be overcome. Something that true "Don Juans" never experience. This is a completely harmful and negative way of thinking. I mean really, wouldn't it be boring if you never met any woman who made you feel this way? If you never met any woman who made you anxious, nervous, and babble like an idiot? If you just felt your normal, comfortable, relaxed self around all women? BORING! No, the women you WANT are the ones who make you weak in the knees. The ones who make you nervous, sweaty, and whose mere presence is enough to drive you crazy. Yes, these are the women that make life worth living. So remember, being "nervous" is a GOOD thing and a sign that you've met an amazing woman... and a woman with the potential to make you very happy. The second thing you need to realize, is that your nervousness may not be nervousness at all. In fact, what it actually is... is EXCITEMENT. I mean really, this is an incredible woman, right? Drop-dead gorgeous, charming, intelligent, funny. Maybe the woman of your dreams, the one you'll marry and live "happily ever after" with. Sounds like a pretty good reason to be excited to me. In fact, if you're NOT excited about meeting such an incredible lady, THEN I'd say you have the problem. Remember that emotions differ from one another mainly in how we interpret them, not in any type of distinct physiological state associated with them. Thus, the state of physiological arousal which accompanies a feeling of nervousness is pretty much the same state of physiological arousal which accompanies a feeling of excitement. The only real difference between the two is that in one situation we're telling ourselves that we're nervous (a bad thing), and in another situation we're telling ourselves that we're excited (a good thing). And if you think about it logically, there's absolutely no reason to feel bad (nervous) when you're around a magnificent woman. But there are a whole heck of a lot of reasons to feel good (excited) when she's around. Thus, whatever you decide to tell yourself, and believe, will determine whether you feel nervous (bad) or excited (good). You simply need to "direct" your mind to the desired emotional response. So feel the emotions. Don't fight them. Feel the excitement within you, the adrenaline surging throughout your veins, and rather than thinking, "Oh no. Why can't I relax? I'm going to say something stupid and blow it again." think, "WOW! What a magnificent woman! I definitely need to get to know her better." Thus, you consciously and deliberately transform the "nervousness" into "excitement." And you feel good. Excited is good, right? Now the third and final thing you need to do is to channel those "excited" feelings into behaviors and personality traits that women will find attractive. And the great thing is, once you've completed the first two steps above, the attractive behaviors and traits will appear automatically. Believe it or not, that excitement you're feeling will actually help to make you more attractive to women. The excitement will come through in your attitude, your voice, and your body language. You'll ooze enthusiasm and energy... both of which are highly attractive qualities to women. You will then have a tremendous advantage in attracting this woman AND setting yourself apart from all the other guys. The cool, suave guys who never get nervous and who always seem relaxed around women will seem boring compared to you. And all you really did was to recognize that she was a magnificent woman, let yourself feel the excitement within you, and then channeled those feelings into energetic enthusiasm. What woman could possibly resist? ©2000 Show All Articles By Allen ThompsonFor more free tips on meeting, dating, and attracting women visit: http://www.SoSuave.com
Back To Article IndexAttraction Formula
Attraction Formula was written by an "underground" but extremely experienced New York player named Paul Janka. His recent appearance on Dr. Phil has a lot of guys curious about his no-frills approach to meeting women. He's had sex with (at the time of this writing) about 146 women, so he certainly has the credentials to provide some excellent insights into the finer points of advanced game. The interesting thing about this book is that there is very little focus on "inner game." Janka's writing is zero-fluff and gets right into tactics and getting the job done. The book is split up into six sections:
I. PREPARATION: Philosophy and Mindset Preparation Despite the strong focus on advanced game, Janka does cover the foundations of solid beginner game and how to overcome approach anxiety. His talks about how to conquer fear and how to get into the zone (he calls this "mojo"). In addition he talks about where and when to meet women for an effective interaction. What's interesting is that Janka does not go to bars or clubs at night or on the weekend. As a result, much of the material here is on street or "day game." Engagement The second section of the book is where Janka's extensive experience becomes apparent. Since he's lived in New York City for several years, he has approached thousands of women. He discusses overcoming objections and how to get phone numbers quickly. His game here is very tight and goal oriented. He doesn't spend a lot of time chatting with women for long periods of time. In fact, he discourages it. Midgame Here Janka talks about what to do after you get the phone number. How do you transition from meeting her on the street to having her naked and screaming your name at the end of the night? He also reveals more about his infamous spreadsheet that contains details of all the women that he's been with. He then dives into dates and where to go and what to say during the date. I think he could have expanded this section more, but there are still quite a few gems here to make it a worthwhile read for any serious player. Sexual Logistics This is where things get hot and heavy. Janka discusses issues of respect, getting her turned on, and transitioning to sex. His style is fast paced and may be a little too advanced for beginners. He's even said that he doesn't take women on dates anymore. He simply meets them on the street and later invites them back to his apartment. In this part of the book, he also gives out several good tips on how to setup your apartment for sex. Relationships Even a seasoned player like Janka occasionally has relationships. He talks about how to make the decision to enter a relationship and how to effectively prevent a relationship from developing, should that be your decision. Topics of note here are how to manage multiple girls and how to manage their expectations. Luxury Problems One of the funnier bits I've seen in a long time. For instance, he brings up the interesting challenge of trying to schedule dates with girls based on their menstrual cycles. Dry cleaning bills and soiled linens are also rants that had me falling off my chair. Janka concludes his hard-hitting guide with several case studies from his personal life. While the book is certainly not for the faint of heart, his advice is solid and is a worth reading several times over. I would strongly recommend it for anyone looking for a book on advanced game. Click here to learn more about Attraction Formula. |
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