This relationship problem is one of the toughest:

We've all done it - let our emotions get the best of us when it comes to a man - and as a result, we may have said or done something that we wish we had not done.

You may have experienced that awful feeling when you have poured out your soul to a man and have expressed your love to him - and what is the response?

He suddenly becomes very polite, thanks you for a nice evening, says he'll call, and promptly leaves!

Yowch.

I hate hearing about these scenarios when I get emails from women who are in a LOT of pain.

It usually is because they let loose with the guy too soon in some way or another.

It can also happen when you tell yourself that if only this guy felt your love, it would cure his problem of being afraid to love.

The funny thing about many men is this: they can get cured all right. But not like that.

A man doesn't want you to solve his problem. Not the kind of man you want, anyway.

How does a man get cured of his commitment fear and all that jazz?

By falling head over heels in love with a woman. It's amazing that the very same guys who tell you that they are afraid of commitment are the ones who can be very vulnerable to the "right" woman whose presence takes their commitment fears away.

What makes a man fall head over heels in love and stay in love?

1. Because he considers you to be beautiful and charming.

I'm not talking about model beauty, either. Women with model beauty often report that no one ever asks them out! (When Maurice Boland interviewed me on the radio, he said that he married a beautiful model who is still gorgeous some 27 years later - and the reason he was able to marry her is partly due to the fact that most other men were scared to ask her out because of her beauty!)

2. Because the woman of his choice is NOT making it easy for him every step of the way - to talk to her, to spend time with her. She is NOT trying to solve all his problems - or any of his problems.

3. Because the woman projects self-care and confidence.

When a man sees a confident woman, it gives him a sense of certainty. When you are confident, a man sees you as 20 times more beautiful than he did before.

4. Because the woman has her act together. Much more on that later on - that requires much more discussion.

And how do you recover from an embarrassing gaffe with any man?

Easy, sweetie. Just act like it was nothing. Act like it doesn't matter. Hold your head up and laugh about the incident - or else, never mention it again - never!!

And for yourself - don't even think about it ever again, either. Learn from it and move on. Do NOT beat yourself up over anything. That is not self-respect!

Relationship problems are really challenges - which can be taken on with positive results!

©2006 Mimi Tanner

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