Most of It Doesn't Matter - What Does?

Do you remember being a carefree kid? For most of us, that meant our lives were centered around play. Yes, we may've been students, might have had a couple chores at home, could have had some hurt feelings, but we knew our food and clothes and personal needs were taken care of. I believe that most of us could be closer to that feeling of carefree kid a lot more of the time than we are now..

Much of what we adults worry about doesn't matter! And I have to admit I'm writing this for myself as well as for you. Yes, it'd be great if the garden were weeded, the laundry done, the car serviced, and the desk cleared. But my identity and my lovability does not depend on what I get done. When we get birthday cards or calls from friends, we aren't praised for our dust-free floors or our emptied out garbage. Sure, we feel better when our surroundings look good. True, if everything on our To Do list were completed we wouldn't stop at three cheers. But we shorten our lives by the results of stress. And we also poison our feelings of adequacy, confidence, and contentment.

I'm not here to give a sociological overview. What I hope to do is convince you and me that we can allow and encourage ourselves to nurture happiness in our lives. For some of us, that will mean cutting back on work hours. I recently made an agreement with a fellow life coach that I would shut off the computer by 9:00 pm (or have a day's maximum of 10 hours at my desk), or I'd owe her $100. I needed a big incentive to get a new habit going. Before, I'd seen such an agreement as negative reinforcement. But I got a hit recently. Now I see such a compact as a supreme act of self-confidence. I am so sure I can pull myself from the computer - or whatever behavior I'm wanting to change - that I bet you $100 I can do it by such and such a time. And with that consequence, it's fairly easy to complete the task I've put off for weeks or months. I set up the financial agreement to support what does matter in my life. I have such an inward pull to accomplish that I take on and expect of myself more than I can comfortably and easily complete. Sound familiar?

One of the more helpful tools for my inner knowing is Byron Katie's The Work. Use her 4-question process at www.thework.com. She came to the "realization that without any story about how life is supposed to be, we are left with a sense of peace far beyond what we hoped to find by fulfilling our dreams?Only when we give up "what should be" can we experience the profound peace of "what is." Read her new book, Loving What Is

What I've found is that every time I've answered the four questions, I discover, over and over, that without the thought of what I "have" to do or what is "absolutely true" for me, I feel relieved, peaceful, and free. I realize that "It doesn't matter." True, that light feeling won't get the calls or letters done. But what is also true is when I work toward any desired result, if my belly and my heart are peaceful, I'm adding serenity to the day, and probably days to my life.

I notice I've been nagging myself about getting various notes from a variety of small pieces of paper to my To Do list or wherever they belong. I also notice they are still where they were a week ago. And I am still healthy, sleep well, get a lot done. So why do I act like an ogre toward what isn't done!?

Lest we shrug off Katie's work as an excuse not to do "what has to be done," let's take whatever time we need to see how we might be brainwashing ourselves. (It's bad enough when others brainwash us.) We've heard how modern day "primitives" often live fairly happy lives without the help of daily planners or To Do lists. We've read that monks and monastery visitors often thrive on the early rising, structured work and meditation program. True, it may not be as easy in our complicated modern lives. But as Tolle, who often works together with Katie, reminds us in The Power of Now, "Always say 'yes' to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is?"

Tolle suggests we ask if there is anything we can do to change the situation, improve it or remove ourselves from it. If there is, take that action.

Now that matters!

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