Oh sure. I remember the article well. In 1986 when Newsweek published "The Marriage Crunch" article which stated, in short that:

"white, college-educated women who failed to marry in their 20s faced abysmal odds of ever tying the knot."

To further quote, "According to the research, a woman who remained single at 30 had only a 20 percent chance of ever marrying. By 35, the probability dropped to 5 percent. In the story's most infamous line, Newsweek reported that a 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry."

I was 19 then and seemed to know even then that I'd marry later in life. It wasn't that I didn't believe in marriage, it was just that... I knew there were so many things in life I wanted to do first. Like:

• meet friends that I didn't go to high school with
• see how far working hard in corporate American would get me
• figure out my past as a child of an alcoholic enough to never repeat the same path
• find out which kind of people were really my friends
• understand why I could never relax
• embrace my nerdy, geeky personality
• write a book
• become confident
• understand what love really is
• grow up
• get a clue

Silly me. Other people around me seemed to know I'd marry later, also. They'd constantly ask me about my boyfriends, if I had them or didn't, instead of what I was doing with my life. My biggest joke at the time was that if I had won the Pulitzer Prize my grandma would probably nod for a moment and then ask, "So do you have a boyfriend yet, Cherie?"

Well of course I had boyfriends. I dated lots of the wrong guys over the years. Dating was kind of an adventure for me. But I never was in a place in my life where I thought "this is it" and knew I was going to get married. I've heard it said that you have to meet the right person at the right time in your life. My husband and I would agree on this one. Both of us, in looking back at how many places we had potentially had the chance to meet over the years, realized we'd probably bumped into each other several times. We realized after we got married that we were even both at the same exact spot years ago, and in all likelihood met and even spoke to one another, when he was only 18 and still in high school.

And yet, why didn't we really "meet"? Why didn't we date then and fall in love? We both continued to date the wrong people over the years, and even as we tried to hold on to these not-good-for-us relationships, we knew there was probably someone "out there" who was going to be right for us. One day.

Dating the wrong people can be exceptionally helpful once you meet the right one. My husband was amazed at how "normal" our relationship was and continues to be. He didn't think this was possible given the women he dated and knew.

As soon as I met my husband I felt like I could be completely myself. Not an easy thing for women. We always feel we need to hold up a front, not act too independent or come off too needy. With my husband, I didn't feel any of these things. I didn't need to. I was completely myself and felt an acceptance that I didn't feel with other people.

We continued to hang out at the same places over the years... and yet we'd never actually met. Or had we? Perhaps we'd smiled and had small talk at some local bar... stood next to each other at a concert... or sat side by side in a bookstore... without even knowing it.

Do I look back and wish I'd met my husband the very first time I probably bumped into him?

No.

I doubt things would have worked out the same for us. We both had "miles and miles to go" before we were finally in the right place in our lives to meet.

As women we work hard to be the very best at everything we do and we're told anything is possible. So if we don't have the marriage or the kids or the career at the exact moment as everyone else, we have society and newspapers and even other women telling us to hurry up! What are we waiting for!

And perhaps that's the lesson we learn from the 1986 Newsweek article. You can't put "odds" on when you'll meet and marry your soul mate because the path will be different for us all. Perhaps it's a matter of faith, and of trusting your life to something bigger than you.

So if you're a 20-something gal reading this right now and are asked about when you are ever going to marry.... simply answer that you'll do it when and if the time is right. And then go about your life... and LIVE.

©2006

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