Attracting true love into our life is only the beginning. How do we make sure we are growing together and not apart, and how can we build the foundations to a lasting fulfilling passionate relationship?

1. Commit and be open to constant growth, individually and as a couple
Growth and contribution are the needs of our soul. When we invest in our personal growth we feel good about ourself and are able to share new realizations and experiences with our partner. Actively making time for growth as a couple is additionally bonding. For example, my husband and I enjoy attending seminars, talks or workshops together. It can be an intimate experience to witness your partner having an important realization or break through limitations.

2. Relax into your core sexual essence
Polarity creates sexual attraction and comes from being opposites. It often diminishes when couples settle into a routine and unintentionally become more alike in their sexual energies. We each have both the masculine and the feminine energies within us but are either masculine or feminine at our sexual core. The feminine receives, is free-flowing and intuitive. The masculine gives, is directional and intellectual. If we want to enjoy fulfilling intimacy we need to regularly relax into our respective sexual cores with each other. After a day of focused, intellect based work, allow yourself to move your awareness from your head into your body and become a playful goddess that is happy for your man to be in charge and open to receive his love.

3. Master Communication
Be aware of your differences and communicate from the heart - Men and women communicate differently and therefore are prone to misunderstand each other Men want to feel competent and solve problems and women want to share their emotions and be heard. By openly sharing your feelings and thoughts it's possible to meet in the middle. As a women always be very clear about your values, needs and boundaries with a man and avoid being vague or indirect expecting your man to second guess your needs. As a man be fully present while you listen and ask your woman if she is venting or wants you to suggest solutions to a problem.

Avoid the pitfalls of projection - All judgment is self-judgment We dislike most in others what we least accept within ourselves. Our partners are designed to push our buttons and bring up old self-limiting belief patterns or past pains to help us release them. So whenever we feel a victim of our partner in any way let's ask ourselves what is really going on, and notice if any old memories are coming up. I had a lot of fears and hurt to release from my past and at times my husband would lovingly remind me: "I am not your ex-husband, ex-boss, mother or father. I am your man!" and help me remember, feel and release.

Remind yourself who you are talking to - We often communicate more respectfully with our neighbors or work colleagues than with our lovers and children. Language carries energy and matters so much. Sometimes I imagine my husband or daughter are Buddha or Ghandi before I speak with them. They are precious gifts in my life and I wish to treat them as such. Deepak Chopra says: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. Marshall Rosenbergs teachings on non-violent communication are heart-opening too.

4. Gift each other without stereotypical constraints
Most couples divide roles at home in a way that does not reflect our natural talents and preferences. Whilst I enjoy shopping for nutritious food, creating our family meals, doing school-runs and organizing our home and vacations, my husband likes completing tasks and actually finds it quite satisfying and relaxing to do his own ironing, clean or "eliminate a pile of laundry". He uses this time to listen to educational materials too, so for him it's a change from work and he gifts me by regularly helping with these tasks. It takes a little trial and error to find out what works best for you as a couple, but the key is to be open about what you enjoy and do not enjoy. If you love someone it is quite a pleasure to support each other in this way and feel your partners gratitude. David Deida's books have been eye-openers for us in our understanding of sexual polarity and gifting.

5. Welcome natural growth cycles and be kind to yourself
Every relationship goes through continuous cycles of growth and knowing and expecting this can really accelerate and make it easier when you are at the challenging part of the cycle. Sometimes we can feel trapped in an argument with our partner that seems to repeat itself time after time. It took us a while to understand that every time we had a disagreement, we were learning about a new aspect of ourselves and would come out stronger and more connected. Knowing this has helped us to face issues and look for the lessons much faster and eventually to appreciate our disagreements as the growth tool they really are. Initially it was difficult for me to accept my shortcomings because I would feel guilty and judge myself. Applaud yourself for becoming more aware, then be kind to yourself and remember that we are not our behavior and have the power to change and improve anything at any time.

With love and highest regards from Susanne

©2008

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