A break up is devastating. You feel like your whole world has crumbled and that you will never be happy again.

Your feel hurt, angry, rejected, depressed and completely hopeless. You keep asking yourself how this could have happened and what you could have done to prevent it.

You aren't alone. Millions of people have gone through or are going through exactly what you are right now.

I have been there myself and am here to tell you that you will be happy again.

Yes it will take some time and you will find yourself going back and forth through a few stages along the way, but trust me when I say that you will get past this.

All these stages are temporary and just recognizing the stages and knowing that they are a normal part of the healing process can help you get past them.

I can't possibly cover these stages in detail with an article, it would take a whole book. All I can do here is give you a brief outline of them and suggest some sources for further reading.

Remember that all these stage do pass, and how long it takes is up to how you handle them.

The denial stage

You wouldn't allow yourself to believe that your relationship is over. You keep thinking that you will get back together again.

I understand that you may have been together so long that it just doesn't seem possible that life could be any other way that what you've become used to.

If you aren't ready to accept that it's over for good accept that at least for today or even this week you aren't going to be together and try to use that time to do something on your own.

Similar to the denial stage is

The bargaining stage

You keep thinking what if. What if I had done this different or maybe if I show him or her that I can be like this maybe this will end.

You can use this stage constructively. When you find yourself thinking about things you might change about yourself determine if they are really something you want to change.

If they are you can start working at making the change for yourself.

The key is to only make the changes for yourself. Don't try to make changes you don't really want to make in the hope that your ex will notice and come back, because even if he or she does come back you aren't going to be happy forcing yourself to be someone you really aren't

The anger stage

Of course you are going to get angry. You will be angry at yourself, angry at your ex, angry at your family, friends and the world in general.

You need to express this anger somehow, you can't just keep it bottled up in you. Find a way to do it that doesn't hurt you or anyone else.

Get a punching bag, or have a good workout. Find someplace to be alone and yell and scream. Get it all out.

It will pass.

The depression stage

When you hit this stage you just wouldn't seem to have the energy to do anything. You will feel like you are all alone in the world and nothing really matters anymore.

Try to get out and do something. Any kind of activity will help and if it includes some exercise that all the better.

The key is to get out and do something that you enjoy. Even if you don't feel like it at the moment just get up and do it.

The acceptance stage

Once you can accept that your relationship is over and that you can in fact function on your own you are on your way to building a bright and happy future.

Now you can start making goals for yourself and planning for your future. You can start dating again and you will find love again.

You know that your next relationship will be far better than the last one because you've learned from this and you have improved as a person and you know what kind of person you want to be with.

I know what you are going though and I can promise you that you have a bright future ahead of you.

Whenever you find yourself in one of these stages remember it will pass and you will come out of this a stronger and better person than you ever where.

A book that really helped me when I was going through this is "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" by Bruce Fisher.

I have a series of articles about getting over a breakup on one of my sites starting with How To Get Over A Break Up

P.S. Always remember that nothing stays the same. You may feel like theres no hope for the future now but trust me - you still have a lot of living ahead of you.

©2009 Gary Caine

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