Internet Dating:
How to Be Successful & Safe
by
Internet Dating is becoming a popular, legitimate and
preferred way to date in 2003. From the May 2003 issue
of Ladies Home Journal to the September/October 2003
issue of AARP The Magazine, to the e-mails I receive,
men and women of all ages, socio-economic backgrounds,
ethnicities, religions, careers and educational levels
are talking about and, are interested in Internet
Dating. People want to figure out how it works,
understand the basics, stay safe and meet their ideal
match!
The first thing to focus on is writing great profiles
that do two things:
- Get you "found" and
- Get responses from people who are very close to your ideal match
Posting a photograph is the single most important
factor for getting people to read your profile.
Profiles with pictures are the first to be browsed.
Post a current photograph.
A creative, catchy headline can separate you from the
masses instantly. Be concise and to the point in the
body of your profile. Keep the information simple and
honest. Remember that you are trying to attract the
kind of people you want to meet. Integrity is always
better than stretching the truth. Let him or her know
who you are from the "get-go." Don't waste time with
people who are looking for someone you are not!
Grammar and spelling are important. Write your profile
as a WORD document, run a spell check and then cut and
paste it into the profile text boxes. Don't use all
capitals since this is considered shouting on the
Internet. Use upper and lower case.
When you first start getting acquainted by e-mail don't
reveal any information that could allow someone to
personally identify you. I'll provide a lot of
important information about Internet safety in Part
Three.
When you send an e-mail either initiating contact or
responding, a subject heading that stands out is very
helpful. The reader can get a first impression of you
even before s/he gets to the body of your e-mail. Take
advantage of this opportunity to put your true self out
there.
Be timely. Answer the responses or initial e-mails
within three ? four days. It is considered good
etiquette to answer them all since people have taken
the time and effort to communicate with you. If you
become overwhelmed by the interest of many men or
women, simply freeze your account until you can catch
up and catch your breath.
Always be polite. Generally it is a good idea to avoid
jokes and sarcasm. They often don't come across as they
were intended. Resist embellishing or exaggerating who
you are or anything about yourself.
Don't complain about the state of your life or bash
your exes. Ask open-ended questions that invite the
recipient to answer your questions with personal
stories. It is safe to talk about interests, hobbies,
traveling, books, movies or activities you like to do
regularly. That's how a conversation will start.
Avoid heavy or highly charged political issues or
issues related to religion, abortion or the death
penalty. Keep your e-mails fun, positive and upbeat.
Think about each e-mail as an opportunity to get to
know another new person. Be curious and interested.
Grammar and spelling are as important in your e-mails
as in your personal profile. Always run your e-mail
program's spell check. If your e-mail program doesn't
have a spell check write your e-mail as a WORD
document, run a spell check and then cut and paste it
into the e-mail text box. Again, don't use all capitals
since this is considered shouting on the Internet. Use
upper and lower case.
E-mails do the job of providing the initial way to
connect with someone on the Internet. Their usefulness
is limited because, unfortunately, some men and women
misrepresent themselves on the Internet. They may omit
important details, post old photos or even post photos
of other people or make false claims.
I recommend moving to the phone after two ? five
e-mails. The faster you move from communicating via
e-mail to the telephone, the faster you will be able to
pay attention to little clues that may alert you to a
potential problem. Listen for consistencies and
inconsistencies in their stories, evasiveness,
vagueness or ambiguity. Be alert to details changing
or being omitted. Telephone conversations provide lots
of rich material so you can make the decision to meet
him or her in person or stop the communication
altogether.
Don't be afraid to take your time getting to know
someone. Always trust your sense of the situation and
that "funny feeling" inside. If you do not feel 100%
comfortable e-mailing or after you speak with someone
on the telephone, DO NOT agree to meet him or her in
person. Always trust yourself.
Writing a personal profile with pizzazz isn't really
difficult. It helps to start with accurate information
about yourself; your goals, attitudes, beliefs, values,
style, temperament, etc. Here is an exercise to get you
thinking about who you are and what you need, want and
expect from your ideal partner.
Grab a piece of paper and a pencil (8 ½" X 11" is a
good size piece of paper to work with). Put a circle
about the size of a quarter in the middle of the paper.
In the center of the circle print and sign your name.
Then begin to draw lines radiating out from the outer
edge of the circle like spokes of a wheel. Draw at
least ten lines. You can always add more. These lines
represent your goals, attitudes, beliefs, etc. Here are
some examples to help you create a "wheel" that will
accurately reflect your authentic self:
- My Personal Vision, Life Purpose and Passion(s)
- My Beliefs and Attitudes that Most Accurately Reflect Who I Am
- My Hopes and Dreams that Have Been Realized and Not Yet Realized
- My Personal Strengths and Limits, Gifts, Skills and Talents
- My Goals for the next 6 months, one year, two, five and 10 years
- My Style, Values and Temperament
- My Career/Work Life
- My Interests and Hobbies
- My Preferences (about anything and everything)
- My Expectations of Myself as a Partner
- What My Partner Can Reasonably Expect From Me
- My Expectations & Requirements of a Partner
Name as many spokes as you can and feel free to add to
the initial ten. Write a few paragraphs describing each
"spoke", with as much detail as possible. Give yourself
plenty of time to do this exercise.
Now let's gather some important information about who
your ideal match is. This second exercise will help you
clarify your awareness of the desirable qualities and
attributes you are looking for in your ideal match.
Once again, grab a piece of paper and a pencil (8 ½" X
11" is a good size piece of paper to work with). Put a
circle about the size of a quarter in the middle of the
paper. In the center of the circle print "My Ideal
Match" and sign your name. Then begin to draw lines
radiating out from the outer edge of the circle like
spokes of a wheel. Draw at least 10 lines. You can
always add more. These lines represent the attitudes,
beliefs, values and desirable qualities that you
require in your ideal partner. Here are some examples
to help you create a "wheel" that will accurately
reflect your ideal partner:
- Personal Vision, Life Purpose and Passion(s)
- Beliefs and Attitudes
- Style, Values and Temperament
- Career / Work Life
- Interests / Hobbies / Habits / Pets
- Quality of Relationship(s) with Parents, Children, Ex-partners, Co-workers
- Status of Health & Well-being
- Financially Secure / Financial Indebtedness / Self-supporting / Supporting Others / Philanthropy
- Leisure Time Preferences
- Interest in / Commitment to a Personal Development Program
- Smoker / Social Drinker or more / Recreational Drugs / In Recovery
- Religious / Spiritual / Seeker
Name as many spokes as you can and feel free to add to
the initial 10. Write a few paragraphs describing each
"spoke", with as much detail as possible. Give yourself
plenty of time to do this exercise.
Only you can make it happen!
Dr. Jackie's Coaching Mission:
Dr. Jackie's mission is to challenge you to explore the old beliefs, old expectations and outdated values which cause you pain; to awaken you to the new realities of relationships; to revitalize you so that you will be ready to welcome the ideal partner when he or she comes into your life; and provide tools to couples based on a contemporary model for marriage and commitment.
www.DrJackieBlack.com
1.888.792.6224
©2003
Are YOU Being Scammed Right Now?
Can you really trust the person you are dating online?
Are YOU Being Deceived By The Person YOU Think YOU Are Dating Online?
Are YOU One of the THOUSANDS of PEOPLE who are being deceived and are losing tens of thousands of dollars right now?
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If you are dating online or involved in any relationship online, especially with a person with links to Nigeria, the West African Coast or you know someone who is, then you need to read this urgently now !!!
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Who knows whose life you may be saving next?
Just because people do not tell you about it does not mean it is not happening.
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Losing a lover in real life is bad enough.
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It takes a lot of effort by many to get over such an event.
If it were the problem of just a few people, it could be waved away as being just a small problem.
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By getting the details in this guide, you never know whose life, money and emotions you could be saving.
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Remember -- The key to stopping the scams is by educating yourself!
