You've set up your profile, met a promising guy, and have a first date lined up. Want to turn this into something serious? Here's some tips on how to get a second date.

(1) Look your best. For casual first dates (the only kind of first dates I recommend, by the way), I usually wear a pretty shirt and my best fitting jeans. Shoes are usually cute, yet comfortable, with a slight heel.

Take the time to do your nails, take care of your hair, and make sure your make-up looks fantastic. He'll probably notice - and you'll be a lot more confident than if you are looking special.

(2) Read the morning news. Even if I don't do this normally, I pick up a paper or surf around for headlines. It's always good to have a few backup topics to chat about, especially if the conversation starts to lag.

(3) Pick two things from his profile to ask him about. If he likes skiing, make a note to ask him where. If he went to the same college as your best friend, ask him if he knows her. Don't play detective girl - but mentioning a couple things you noticed is a great ice breaker. Besides, men love to talk about themselves.

(4) Say "thank you" - a lot. So many guys tell me that this is a make or break, yet so few girls know. If he opens the door, gets you extra napkins for your pizza, or complements your outfit... give him a smile and a "thanks".

(5) Keep it light. Talk about anything you want - except for past relationships, politics, religion, or sex. And no matter what, don't mention marriage (even if your sister is getting married). Good topics? Recent vacations, favorite music / movies, fun things to do in the city you live in... you get the idea.

(6) Offer to pay your share. Even if you don't feel like it - don't be a mooch. Dating can be expensive for guys, so at least offer to contribute. Also, asking too much about his job or car or house is a big no-no. You're in it for him, not his cash... right?

(7) Keep it short. Anything over two or three hours, and you'll satisfy his curiousity a little too much. Be happy and upbeat when you end it - just indicate that you have an appointment you can't break (even if it's secretly your Queer Eye marathon with your roomie).

(8) Don't follow up... yet. Sounds crazy, but I recommend giving a guy a full month to contact you. Maybe he's dating around, busy with work, or figuring out what he wants. I've had guys wait as long as three weeks to ask me out again - only to want to get serious pretty soon after. Give it time, and let him make the second move. If he never gets back to you, send him a short "How's life?" email if you haven't met anyone better.

©2003

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