Dating is all about getting to know people and screening for a good match. It's important to assess if your wish list of qualities will be met, but how do you know if the men are even ready for a relationship?

Described below are eight telltale warning signs to be on the lookout for. The last thing you want to be is a "transitional woman," supporting a man through the emotional trauma of divorce and getting him prepped for the next woman he meets! That's a painful scenario every woman wants to avoid, so steer clear if you can.

This article isn't meant to scare you away from divorced prospects and dating. Many divorced men make fabulous partners who want to try again. After all, they already have experience with commitment and frequently prefer to be in relationship. The point is to use these insights to evade obvious pitfalls and be smart about whom you get involved with. Since you freely decide who to date, why not choose wisely?

Here's a list of eight red flags that can indicate your date is not ready for a relationship regardless of what he says. Keep in mind you're watching for behavioral warnings rather than verbal clues. While these points are generalizations for judging a man's readiness, if several flags start waving you probably want to think twice.

1) Only gives you his cell phone number.

In this age of technology, there are people who only have a cell phone due to affordability issues or easy access. Whatever the reason, providing only a cell phone number can be a tip off that the guy is married, living with someone or involved with multiple partners. For instance, he may have a home phone, but doesn't want anyone else to answer your calls. This is one of those red flags that requires a bit of woman's intuition, so pay attention to your instincts.

2) Separated or recently divorced and wounded.

Whether separated or recently divorced, these men tend to be unstable. The end of a marriage can cause deep wounds for anyone. A man whose wife filed for divorce is often in a lot of emotional pain. He may be sensitive and appear needy or angry and looking for revenge.

Either way, do you want to be Florence Nightingale, nursing him back to emotional health? Therapists agree people may need at least one year or more to heal from the pain of divorce. Steer clear or be very careful before getting too attached.

3) Just divorced and ready to party.

Here's a guy who's ready for the good life. Finally free and looking to sample a variety of feminine fare, this man doesn't have the capacity for a relationship and will want nothing to do with obligation or responsibility. If a man doesn't call you regularly, keep appointments, offers no excuses or too many, he might be the "party" type. Don't get involved or you may wind up as the flavor of the month.

4) Still lives with wife or ex wife.

While there may be some legal and financial reasons to remain in the marital house, do you really want to date a man who is still sharing the same roof with his wife? The possibility looms that he might find himself back in her bedroom. Even if there isn't a chance for reconciliation, he's still involved deeper than you'll want.

Also, if you can't go to his home because "she's" there, the relationship can feel lopsided. You might start wondering if he's spending time at your place because he enjoys it or because it's a great escape from his difficult living situation. For these reasons, it's best to date a man who is already out on his own.

5) Talks about his ex frequently.

If a man talks a lot about his ex whether he was married to her or not, that's a sure sign still attached at some level and he's not ready. It doesn't matter if he remembers the good things or spends time complaining, he is still expending energy in her direction. His heart and head remain caught up with her and not clear, open or ready for you.

6) Hasn't introduced you to his friends.

At some point, you'll want to meet your companion's friends. Why? Because his friends and how they interact speaks volumes about whom your man really is. What do they like to do? How do they treat each other or you? If you don't meet them, you don't have access to some very important data. Gently question your man to find out why you haven't met his friends. You may discover his real motives or encourage him to move forward to the next level of your relationship.

7) Haven't met his family or children.

You also want to meet his family, since observing these relationships can be very revealing as well. In addition, meeting the family is a "right of passage" in dating, and demonstrates his seriousness or intentions about you. Exclusion from family activities often means he's not serious about you. If months start slipping by without these introductions, investigate what he is avoiding.

8) Social life as a couple is just the two of you.

This red flag is an extension of points 6 and 7. While it might sound romantic and cozy to spend all your time with each other, excluding your friends and family, never mind his, it might be worthwhile to check into the reasons for this behavior.

Sometimes divorced men thrive on "poor me" sympathy extended by family and friends. If he tells people about your relationship, he could lose these benefits. He may claim it's more romantic or he wants you all to himself, but it might be his way of maintaining sympathy status or even highlight a control issue. Togetherness is wonderful, but be wary of too much of a good thing.

In closing, the most important thing to remember is that it's a very big world out there. Tip #3 from the "Top 10 Tips To Meet Mr. Right" states, "Recognize the abundance of available men." The operative words are "abundant" and "available." Since there are plenty of fish in the sea, why fall for an unavailable man who isn't likely to give you the love you deserve? When you start to encounter red flags, keep your eyes wide open and consider looking for a new man who is ready, with an open heart and plenty of love to share.

©2003

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