The Top Seven Ways to Make Your Life Happier

Don't we all need that! But I hope you're not looking for a lottery win here. Instead, let's play with some inner exercises to trim our spirits for summer. With any good luck, we'll get to the beach, the mountains, barbecues, street fairs, camping, dancing, concerts, boating, etc. this summer. But there may be days or even weeks when we're not having as much fun as the other guys, when life seems hard or unfair. Let's figure out what to do about that. For one, you're more attractive to a partner or potential partner if you're happy.

Even God (Conversations with God by Neale Walsch) would go along with our topic. He says, "Feeling good is the soul's way of shouting 'This is who I am!' ... Give yourself abundant pleasure, and you will have abundant pleasure to give others." He doesn't stop. "Doing what feels good is the road to heaven." Words like these are what have made Walsch's books among my favorites. This is not a stuffy God; Walsch's three books proclaim "God is Me, thinking out loud." Reminds me of Emile Zola's "I came here to live out loud."

Walsch's God is not repressive or punishing. If He were to write this column, His top seven list might look like this.

Know yourself, first urged by Socrates in ancient Greece. This implies reflection, reading philosophical books, exploring ideas with friends. To know yourself, you might note what has worked in your friendships, with your family, on the job. Those connections serve you when you are being authentically yourself.

What an excuse you have in June--sit outdoors on a sunny morning and daydream. Make a list if it helps, such as "5 things I like to do indoors by myself", "5 things I like to do indoors with others", "5 things outdoors by myself" "outdoors with others". My booklet, 68 Ways to Create and Continue the Life You Choose, has suggestions in these categories and others. It is available at http//communicationcoaching.net. If you go along with a buddy's views or preferences, knowing you see life differently, you have breeding grounds for resentment, indifference and parting of the ways. You may want a partner. But seeking a romantic relationship without self-knowledge is like filling a swimming hole with water before the concrete is poured. There is nothing to hold it in place.

Following upon self-knowledge: be true to yourself. Once you know what is important to you, orient your life around your values. .From God: "If you don't want something, don't think about it. If you can't NOT think about it, then do not resist. Look at it directly, then choose to keep it or not, as you wish, based on who and what you choose to be...Move toward something, not away from something." Morley says, There is only one success--to be able to spend your life in your own way."

If you are always going to dances because that's what your friends enjoy, but you just tolerate dancing, stand up for what you enjoy. There's nothing wrong with compromise, because being true to yourself may well include honoring friends' values. But give yourself a summer assignment: figure out what you hold important, and express that at least once every day. That could be in "No, I don't care for another beer." "I really want to be by myself tonight." "I'd rather eat Mexican food for lunch." "I don't want to hike (bike) another 20 minutes." "I'd rather watch a tear-jerker than a comedy." "I'm getting these letters written before I go out."

Do it now. Don't wait for the rainy afternoon, or the July party or the neighbor's complaint or the sinking feeling in your belly. When you know what it takes to be true to yourself, don't put it off. As David Campbell says, "Discipline is remembering what you want." Get support if you choose, but take a step, or two steps, right now. Maybe the first step is putting it on the list. Perhaps it's getting out your tools. Possibly it's clearing off your desk. "Diligence is the mother of good luck," reminds Ben Franklin. After the first step, figure out what the second step is, and when you'll take it, and be accountable for that action.

Do I hear you ask "What does this have to do with being happier?" I have an answer. If you are carrying around guilt or regret, defensiveness or self-blame, it's pretty hard to have a good time. Get the seeds of clarity planted first; water them with action, and you can enjoy the sight, smell and taste of the harvest as it grows and is ready to use..

Reward yourself for progress. If you have a report coming due, or your car needs a tune up, or your bedroom clutter embarrasses even you, and you've written the first page, called the service station, or picked up the floor, treat yourself. Take a hot bath, have a malt, buy a new hot sauce at the grocer, have a long talk with your friend, rent a video.

The more you associate taking action with getting rewards, the easier it will be to take that first step. Many of us are too hard on ourselves. Maybe we heard, "No TV until your homework is done!" or "After a year here, you get a vacation." Well, you are your own boss, your own parent, and you can change the rules. How about a new rule: For every step I take on a project that isn't fun or easy, I get to take 1/2 hour, or an evening to just pamper myself. Guess what. The second and third step won't be such a drag, because you'll look forward to that self-indulgence when the action is done.

Appreciate what you have. As Conversation with God says, "Desire all.

Choose what shows up...Not needing is a great freedom." Lao Tzu says it this way: "The great way is not difficult for those who have no preference (demands)." Rev. Rodney Romney reminds us that our highest response to this moment is welcome. Soooo. Another suggested summer pastime--start a Gratitude Journal. A 99 cent spiral notebook or a $20 bound book--one you write in every day. The more you focus on what is good in your environment, the more you attract good into your life. And as you become happy with who you are, you draw people toward you who also like you as you are. Robert Louis Stevenson said "There is no duty we underrate so much as the duty of being happy."

Tolerate nothing. What could you create if you took care of all your tolerations--the buttons not sewn, the letters unwritten, the boxes unsorted, the desk not cleared, the car unwashed, the trip unplanned. When you have no nagging tasks to drag down your spirits, you are close to true freedom. I read somewhere that "all happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast." What clearing out, fixing up, completing would it take so you had the luxury of a leisurely breakfast or whatever you chose in its place? Usually people don't finish things because of excuses--time, energy, other commitments.. I have an idea.

How about a tolerations list that you put in a prominent place. Every time you cross one off the list, give yourself a point. When they're all handled, whether in weeks or months, take a cruise, or at least a train trip. Note how happy you feel each time you cross one off.

Live from love. In Conversations with God, God says, "Fear contracts, hides, hoards, attacks.. Love expands, shares, heals, amends. When you choose the action love sponsors, you experience the full glory of Who You Really Are?The central question in ANY decision: "What would love do now?" That includes love for yourself.

Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Do it now. Reward yourself for progress. Appreciate what you have. Tolerate nothing. Live from love. I challenge myself and you to live these out. Will you join me?

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