Jealousy, The Little Green Monster

I'm 18 and standing in the admissions line at the community college. I see HER, standing there with the perfect body, flowing hair and sweet demeanor. She has her transcript in her hand (unwrinkled of course) and as she speaks with the admissions receptionist I notice that she even has a soft feminine voice. I immediately feel the pang of jealousy poke at me, but when her gorgeous boyfriend walks in and puts his hand tenderly around her waist the pang bursts into an explosion of angry bitterness. That's the guy that I've been secretly lusting after. He is tall, has long, dark brown hair and deep brown soulful eyes. He wears Levi's that fit his tight muscled buns perfectly and he's a warm and sensitive guy to boot! He was in two of my classes last semester and I was just becoming friendly with him toward the end, working up my nerve to push my interest a little further. Who is that "chick" he has his arm wrapped around so lovingly?

That Snot!

Jealousy is one of the emotions that we need to understand if we are to continue in our personal growth. First and foremost I wish to make clear that jealousy is a fear-based emotion that can be either destructive or constructive, depending upon which way you choose to deal with it.

We can become bitter and ugly, give into feeling insecure, and let it devour our self-esteem, or we can look upon it as a tool to better understand our social and emotional mechanisms.

First we must catch ourselves when we feel that initial pang hit us. Why was I feeling so jealous of that young woman in the admissions line? What was it about her that triggered such a powerful reaction? -

FEAR/COMPETITION/INSECURITY

So, now that we've broken down the jealousy, what the heck do we do about it? The problem isn't all that difficult or esoteric. It boils down to this, I see the other woman as a competitive threat, getting in the way of what I wanted. Do I let this grate away at my self-esteem? Do I let the jealousy turn into hate for the person I'm jealous of? Do I become bitter and wallow in self-pity? I could CHOOSE to allow myself these negative fear-based reactions but I want to be more than an insecure, bitter little person. I want to be better than that.

I CHOSE to use this as an opportunity for growth. I CHOSE to look at myself and my reactions to see why I felt so insecure. I broke it down even further and asked myself why I thought she was better than me. Really, she wasn't, just different from me- like everybody. So where did I go from there? Did I give her a nasty look when we made eye contact, (showing my insecurity) or did I dig a little deeper and think to myself, "hum, she must be a nice person if that nice guy likes her so much. Why don't I stretch myself to open my heart to maybe having a place there for her as well?" I gave her a genuine "sister" smile and nodded a hello.

It turns out that Clay, the guy, turned around and said, "Oh, Hi Deb. How're you? I'd like you to meet my sister, Sheila." Well, guess what, Sheila and I became great friends and I eventually started dating her brother. We had a searing love affair for three years, it didn't last, he left me, but I'm still friends with Sheila.

Life is our School House! Do Your Homework and you just may graduate to a higher level!

(That may sound a little haughty, I still get jealous, my point is that I try to stay aware and I try to look for the "reason" in everything.)

Again- I plead with you all to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!

Show All Articles By Debora Myers

Back To Article Index

50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships

Have you ever known a couple that seemed to be on cloud nine all the time? To strangers they would appear to be newlyweds, but in reality they have been together for years.

Some people will try to tell you that "fairy tale" relationships don't exist. Well, they do. There are tens of thousands of couples who would say that they are living in a blissful relationship. A large percentage of them have never even had a fight. Athena and I are one of them.

We all wish we could have that fairy tale relationship, where we indeed live happily ever after. With the material I will share in 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships, now it will be possible.

If you want more info on the book please go to

50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships Website