"Trust can take years to build, but only a second to break." -Anonymous

I get more questions on this one topic than any other. In most cases people struggle with not being able to get over some thing or situation that is causing them pain. They typically say, "I just can't."

When you find yourself in a situation where someone you thought was your friend or worse yet your partner, and they have lied to you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back or betrayed you on any level, how do you think that is going to make you feel?

Some of the emotions you might experience right out of the gate are: outrage, anger, hurt, devastation, disbelief and an overwhelming feeling of injustice that you want to avenge.

These kinds of emotions are normal reactions when someone who you thought loved you or cared about you, betrays you. The closer you were to this person the bigger the impact.

But, number one, it doesn't mean that you won't get over it and number two and more importantly, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of person they are.

Most of the time people blame themselves as if there is something wrong with them and that is the reason this person betrayed them.

For instance: Would you ever lie to your boss about your friend at work, telling stories that weren't true about your friend to set them up to get fired? Why not?

How about this, would you ever deceive a friend, or do something behind their back that would ultimately hurt them? Why not?

Would you disrespect your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend in front of other people? Why not?

Or, would you lie, cheat and steal from your partner? Why not?

Maybe the reason you wouldn't do this is because that isn't the kind of person you are and you would never think of doing something like this, but yet it's been done to you and you still want this person in your life? Why?

And, when any of these circumstances land at your front door, why do you blame yourself? There isn't something wrong with you; there is something wrong with them!!

Let's see, could it be their lack of integrity? Or, is it their lack of honesty, respect, honor, goodness, compassion? Etc. These people only care about one thing,themselves. Yet, you put them on a pedestal and act like you are losing something by not having them in your life.

Once the impact of being betrayed begins to subside you can begin to see them for who and what they are, hopefully you will see that, even though YOU cared about them, they apparently had another agenda.

Look, no one deserves to be or likes to be on the receiving end of someone's blatant disregard toward them. Especially from someone you love and who says they love you. But, unfortunately, it happens way too often and I too have been the recipient of this kind of betrayal.

It's what you do when this ugly event occurs in your life that will make the difference.

Of course you go through the initial emotions, that's normal. But the last thing you do is,think there is something wrong with you. The fault clearly lands on the shoulders of the person who would knowingly do something that would hurt you.

Once the shock subsides and you start to see straight again, you can see that this is NOT the kind of person you want to call a friend or worse yet, a partner.

Oh sure, you may still love them and you are reeling from the betrayal but the reality is, anyone who could treat you with such little regard, kick you to the curb and couldn't care less as to how this will affect your life, isn't worth another precious thought.

It's people like this who make it an ugly place to live in this world. They have more deep seated issues than you realize and they clearly don't deserve to be regarded so highly by you, as if they were some kind of a prize.

Remember, it's not what happens to us in life that matters as much as how we handle it; how we choose to perceive it. You can cop an attitude instead of falling apart. You can choose to accept what happened and let it go or you can hold onto it and keep telling yourself that you can't let go.

You can choose to remain a victim of betrayal or you can clear your head and say, what a full-time jerk, thank God/Allah/Higher Power that they are out of my life and you move on.

You find the strength to move on by knowing that you don't deserve to be treated like this, you find the strength by knowing that you are so much better off without this kind of person in your life, you find the strength when you put your head back on straight and see them for who they truly are.

Letting betrayal eat at you is your choice. Pick up the pieces, lick your wounds and live a better life without them in it. Terrible things happen to everyone in life. It's unfair and you really don't deserve it but what can you do? Either let it make you stronger or let it tear you apart.

By dwelling on the past and the hurt you only keep yourself imprisoned in the past. Take the key, unlock your jail door and free yourself from holding onto a situation that has hurt you. Let go of wanting revenge and going over and over what if, if only and why.

There isn't anything you can do now to change what happened except deal with it.

Hold your head high, knowing that this too shall pass and you will not allow this kind of person to continue to affect your life by YOU holding onto them.

You throw out your trash right? Well, next garbage day, throw out the mental garbage you've been holding onto, clean out your emotional house and clear out the old to bring in the new. There is a whole life out there waiting for you when you move on.

The reality is that you are going to move on sooner or later so why not make it sooner. It's up to you.

©2010 Susan Russo

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