The Singles Cafe

Games People Play

by Debbie Anderson

When I was asked to write this article, I thought to myself, "Oh, this will be a piece of cake!", as I consider myself to be a very honest and straight-forward person who does not play games, and has no trouble putting thoughts into words. I also happen to be very good at spotting people who are playing games.

It has been at least three weeks since I have agreed to write the article, and yesterday, it still was not written, so I had to sit down and examine the reasons behind my excuses for not having written it. A friend of mine said that some people did not know that they were playing games, and I insisted that people always know when they are playing games. Well, he was right, and I was wrong. Let me give you an example. I had been corresponding with someone I met on the internet, and decided that I was going to visit this person. I went so far as to get maps on how to get there, told him I was coming, told my friends I was going, and suddenly I backed off, made all kind of excuses which really sounded good to me, and didn't think another thing about it. Did I examine why I did that? Not at the time....I was convinced that I was not looking for a relationship, and since this person lived in another country, it seemed to make sense that going that far for no other reason that it seemed like fun, was kind of crazy!

Well, if I had looked at the situation a little closer, I would have realized that is my nature to do things that are a little crazy. It wasn't until I had to start thinking about this article that I realized that something else was going on in my head.

For the past ten years, I have been the kind of person that can walk away from any relationship. Relationships, for me, in the past, have always been with someone who tried to change me, control me, or tame me. I can walk away from those types of relationships now. But I hadn't realized that my gut instincts were also protecting me from good relationships.

What I have realized was that when I backed off from going to meet this person, I had instinctively understood that this was probably the person I wouldn't be able to easily walk away from! He likes the way I think, is supportive of who I am, and that is pretty scary. I also realized that he lives in another country, and I don't particularly want to live in another country!

Thoughts and feelings I do not even realize I am dealing with have me doing something which is totally against my character. I never back off from anything.

My point is this: when you are writing your profile or reading someone else's profile, it might be wise to be open to all possibilities. Everyone has a past, and most of us do not realize just how that past has affected us. If you think you have gotten rid of your baggage, you are probably deluding yourself! But you can let your old baggage forge the way to the relationship you want, if you are willing to sit still long enough to use the feelings in a constructive way.

Go To Part II

Debbie Anderson is a frequent writter for The Singles Cafe

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Internet Love Deceptions

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Are YOU Being Scammed Right Now?

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