Dictionary.com defines frustration as a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

Frustration, like any emotion we view as negative has a positive side to it. We can look at frustration the same way we might look at a toothache. It's a sign that we need to take some sort of action. In this way, frustration is a tool for self-discovery and growth.

Frustration is a wake-up call. I am not referring to the kind of frustration we experience when we are tired after a long day of work and the traffic is bad, but the kind of frustration that we experience chronically when we find ourselves in an on-going bad situation like a lousy job or a bad relationship, and we need to make a change. Or, frustration can signal that we are due for a change in attitude and perspective about how we view our life. Let's look at both ways.

Circumstances/Environment - An example would be feeling frustrated day after day with a job that is not challenging. Going to this job seems like drudgery and the days drag on forever. Maybe the pay is OK, but spending 40 hours a week like this is torture. This is indeed a frustrating situation. And what is this frustration trying to tell you? It's telling you that you need to make a change.

Attitude - An example of this type of frustration would be something like when you try to control another person's actions, or "way of being", and the other person isn't complying. This type of frustration requires a change in your attitude or perspective because what you are trying to do is simply impossible, at least for any length of time.

Being frustrated tells us that it's time to look at what we're doing and thinking and ask ourselves if this is working well for us. Fear of change or the consequences of taking action can sometimes keep us trapped in our frustrating situation, but again, like a toothache, if action isn't taken, we remain trapped. This can lead to unhealthy stress in our minds and bodies.

So what can you do when you find your self chronically frustrated? Ask yourself these questions:

What is it that I find so frustrating about this situation/person?

What outcome am I looking for?

Am I expecting something to change outside of me, or do I need to look inside for guidance on what needs to change and how to change it?

What can I learn from this (there's a lesson in there somewhere)?

Is this something that is under my control, and if so, in what ways is it under my control?

What steps must I take to initiate change and follow through?

If my frustration is with a situation that is not under my control, what can I change about my perspective that will help?

Should I speak up about the situation to a person who is causing me frustration? How should I phrase my "complaint"? What would the consequences be?

How might I change my perception and how would that ease my frustration?

How would my life improve if I were free of this particular frustration?

I would caution each of us to remember that being able to blame another person for our frustration may answer some questions as to why this is happening, but you still have to look within yourself to find the right answers on how you should proceed. No one is going to do it for you. Sometimes it is very helpful to have a coach or other professional help you sort it all out to get past the bumpy part.

Sometimes you will have to push to change things. What do you wish to gain? What will it take? What are your resources? What are the consequences of not changing and what are the consequences of making a change? Sometimes changes must be made because the situation is simply unbearable. Change takes courage, even if it's for the better. If you're feeling frustration, you have been given a gift to look inside yourself and find a way to change your life productively, positively and in a healthy way.

©2008

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