When you were a kid, your parents and grandparents probably told you to "look people in the eye" when you talked to them. Looking elsewhere when speaking to someone made you look disinterested or weak. In most Asian cultures, it is considered rude to stare into someone's eyes, as direct eye contact is too familiar. Despite different cultural reactions, the gaze bears significant weight in human relations. It certainly speaks volumes about you as a lover.

The way you touch and kiss her only communicates so much. When you look into someone's eyes, it opens up your true thoughts. When your wife or girlfriend gets all gussied up, she can see the "wowza" look you give her. When you've made her cry, she can tell how sorry you are. When you are getting dizzy with lust, it certainly reads all over your face. She loves to see what you genuinely feel.

This access to your inner workings is the exact reason why men avoid eye contact in intimate situations. Men are socialized to be strong. In situations where they feel strong -for example, in business - eye contact is not frightening. However, in instances where emotion is being discussed, a man is not as comfortable opening himself up. The world has taught you that emotions are a woman thing, and women things are weak. I hate to tell you this, but on varying levels, you've probably bought into it. Therefore, it's easier to look down or away in intimate situations, but that is an act of defense, not one of openness.

Studies have shown that couples who share long gazes tend to be closer. Staring into one another's eyes builds intimacy. It's why Eastern cultures consider it rude when it's between strangers - one does not build that kind of intimacy outside of close relationships - and why Western culture see it as a sign of weakness to avoid it - the I'm-not-scared-of-you thing. However you view it, you expose yourself through your eyes. You make yourself vulnerable. Making yourself vulnerable to your partner shows that you're willing to open yourself up to her.

Keeping your eyes locked on your significant other makes her feel valued. I'm not talking about staring at her chest; I'm talking about looking at her. Look at her like everything else around you has disappeared. Look at her while you stroke her back or play with her hair. It shows that you see her as a person, not just a place to put your penis.

©2009 Michael Webb

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