When things are going wrong in your relationship, should you send him a long email to get all your thoughts on paper?

Absolutely not. It's one of the worst things you can do.

When I was younger and knew a lot less, if I was bugged about something with a boyfriend, I'd immediately write these looong letters.

I poured it all out on paper and I thought it was pretty good. I made a bunch of great points or so I thought.

I remember one time, I wanted to make sure the dude saw my note, so I put it on his steering wheel! I am sure that note was at least four pages long, front and back, college rule. Ah, the memories. (Not.)

Naturally this guy never even commented on my note. I don't know if it helped the situation or not, but I hope he long ago threw that silly thing in the trash.

With email, it's even MORE tempting to dash off a noteworthy email to your "beloved" when things are amiss. It's so fast - and once you hit "send," baby, there's no turning back.

Fact: long emails don't work with guys.

Use the "Underwear Rule of Email": Keep it brief.

Trust me here. You cannot go wrong keeping it very, very brief.

If you don't, they won't even read your email anyway. No one likes to read a jam-packed page full of words, which emails so often look like.

If you have that much to say to the guy, it's a sign that something is not going your way, and this means you need to work on something other than trying to fix it by "showing him the light" through your letter.

Been there, done that, many times - and it never worked.

More email rules: never answer a guy's email right away. In my work, I often answer emails right away these days. But that's customer service, not romance. BIG difference!

Wait until the next day to answer his email.

If you can't bear that, then wait as many hours as possible.

You will not regret it.

It's the same principle as sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to call. A busy, desirable girl is not wasting her life like that - men or no men!

©2006 Mimi Tanner

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