Why we don't do what we should do
by
In relationships, people find what they know they should or need to do is vastly different from what they actually do. If you're single, you know you should like people that treat you well, yet you're not attracted to them. Or you know you should be attracting potential partners, but don't. In a relationship, you know not to hurt your partner, make him or her wrong, yet do it anyway. Why is there such a difference between what we know would be good to do, what we should do and what our behavior actually is? Our behavior is based on a deep belief system that we are not aware of. This is a belief system we acquired in early childhood. This belief system is different from the cognizant belief system. You may believe that men are wonderful. Your deep belief may be men will always leave you. You may believe women are warm and loving. Your deep belief may be women are cold and harsh. Consider the following scenario. A man and a woman love each other and want to stay together. They find themselves hurting each other. Neither one can make sense of what is happening. All they know is that they go into the situation with great intentions and walk out hurt. If you have experienced a situation like this, hopefully you have asked yourself some questions, such as: "Why would I cause her/him pain if I love her/him?" Or " What causes me to behave this way?" The fact that our behavior can differ vastly from our intentions is not a new concept. If you or someone you know tried to diet you are familiar with this. A person trying to diet knows about nutrition and is motivated to eat well. And yet they can sabotage themselves. They may not understand why or how they sabotage themselves and feel powerless to stop. The same with a person who wants to have a long-term relationship. They may know what it takes to have such a relationship and yet sabotage it. The following are some questions to ask yourself. You can discover what you do in relationships and why. Knowing what you do and why will take you towards creating the relationship you have always dreamed of. Questions to ask yourself to get to your deep belief system: Given that I am my parents' child, what do I believe about relationships? Given how I grew up, what would be a logical way for me to behave in relationships? In choosing a partner? Here is an example of how to answer these questions and some of the results you can expect: A man's parents divorced when he was 7. Given that, he believes relationships can't last. (He does not know that he believes this.) He gets in a relationship with a woman and: a. leaves her before she leaves him or b. smothers her for fear she will leave and she leaves. He ends up alone, thus proving what he believed to be true; "relationships can't last". (He wonders why he has not found the right partner to create a long lasting relationship.) If you do this exercise diligently you will discover information about your relationships and yourself. It may be shocking. It may be uncomfortable. At the same time, you will know yourself better. Knowledge of yourself is freedom to choose. Freedom to act differently. Freedom to have what you want. Look inside and find out. It will give you one of the keys to creating the relationship of your dreams. If you have not visited my website, WhatItTakes.com lately, you are in for a treat. The first phase of the site face- lift is finished, and the site is now very clearly, very logically laid out. Now, you can get to the things you want even faster. Find classes at www.whatittakes.com/classesFind newsletter article archive at www.whatittakes.com/Archive. Find a list of all relationship coaching services at http://www.whatittakes.com/Coaching/coachingservices.html. And more. Visit WhatItTakes.com and enjoy! ©
Back To Article IndexRed Hot Love Relationships
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