In this age of me first and taking care of number 1 marriages don't seem to last very long. Statistics tell us that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and that the average marriage only lasts 5 years. Unless you're in the movie business when 6 months is a record. 50 years ago divorce was unheard of by the majority of people. The philosophy of marriage was to stay together for life no matter what we didn't like about our partner. There were very few Irreconcilable differences. People were committed to make things work.

Today just the opposite seems to be true. We expect the honeymoon to last forever and when it doesn't we want to bail out. Here are a few reasons people gave in a divorce court as to why they wanted out of their marriages.

• My husband keeps me awake all night with his snoring.
• My husband never listens to a thing I say.
• My wife spends too much time cleaning house and never pays attention to me.
• My husband thinks more of his dog than he does me.
• My wife spends too much money on make-up.
• My husband won't take me with him when he goes out with the boys.
• I can't afford a wife on what I make.
• My wife wants kids and I don't
• My wife doesn't like the way I dress.
• And the list goes on and on.

All of these people have one thing in common. They are letting petty problems interfere with their happiness in marriage. They are looking at individual concerns while failing to look at the long-term goal. It has become easier to throw away what we have and get something new. Just like we would throw away a pair of worn but usable pants rather than take the time to mend the holes in the fabric.

After 30 years of marriage my wife and I have made a lot of holes in the fabric or our marriage, but rather than throw it away, we have decided to mend the fabric.

Here's a few hints at some of the tools we have used to mend those holes.

Commitment:

When you get married make up your mind, that you are in it for the long haul. That there not very many really good reasons that will give you a good cause to divorce your mate and often times those too can be worked out.

Humor:

Nothing in this life is to be taken that seriously. Find the funny side to every situation no matter how it may seem at the time it often seems funny or ridiculous when we look back at it in twenty years later.

Caring:

Put your spouse's needs first always. If you put your spouse first and your spouse puts you first then everything and everybody else comes second.

Trust:

You need to trust one another. If your spouse doesn't check in with you every 5 minutes don't assume that they are seeing someone else or don't care about you. Everyone needs their own space and time for themselves.

Tolerance:

Everyone makes mistakes. If I don't make at least 1 mistake a day I consider it to be a bad day. If you make a mistake, admit it and get on with your life. If your partner makes a mistake forgive them for their mistake and get on with your marriage. I always ask myself the question: Will it make a difference in my life 20 years from now. If I can answer yes. Then me and my spouse need to talk about the problem. if my answer is it won't make a difference 20 years from now, then forget it.

Communication:

Talk about everything. Lots of people say that after 10 years there's nothing to talk about. But that's not true. Ask one another about their day, what they want to do during the week, month, year, and lifetime. What there problems/needs/concerns are.

Excitement:

Spice is the variety of life. Change the way you do things often, re-arrange the furniture, dress differently, go places, and do things together. Spend time together: go for walks, picnicks, watch the sunsets, go to a movie, cry together, and laugh at everything and everybody.

Remember Today is the first day of the rest of your life, make it a wonderful day and make it together with your forever mate.

©2003 Dennis Pickering

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