A lot of people still treat divorce as if it were a dirty word. Even though divorces are more prevalent than they used to be, there is still a stigma attached.

This stigma can affect how you see yourself and your future. While I stress repeatedly the importance of looking at what happened to cause the divorce so you don't re-divorce in the future, a divorce does not make you "damaged goods."

If anything, you should view yourself as "older and wiser." I know a lot of people don't like it when I suggest waiting 2 years after your divorce to begin dating, but let's take a look at why that time is beneficial:

Wiser

You need some time to develop life wisdom so you don't repeat the same types of mistakes in a new relationship.

• Understand what went wrong in your marriage.
• Accept and acknowledge your part in the death of the marriage.
• Discover the type of parent you wish to be.
• Learn what you are attracted to in a partner and whether that is healthy for you and your children now.

Older

Give yourself some time to mature. You've just spent the last several years connected to someone else. You are now on your own.

• Take time to discover who you are now.
• Learn how to do life independent of anyone else.
• Discover your own unique strengths and weaknesses.
• Develop special relationships with your children.
• Re-evaluate the type of relationship you want in the future.

There's not a whole lot that can be done about the stigma society places on divorce, but you do have complete control over how you let that stigma affect you. Be careful not to rush into a new relationship so you can label yourself "married" again. Trust yourself and your ability to stand on your own two feet for awhile. That sense of accomplishment and confidence trumps that divorce stigma any day!

You may be asking, "What are some other steps I can take to let that stigma go?" There are two answers: education and support.

©2009 Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success

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