Whether it be birthday parties, graduation, spring music recitals or baseball games there are going to be situations where your children will want both you and your ex-spouse to be present at the same time.

This can be a particularly challenging situation for all parties. Then you add another layer of confusion if you're in a relationship now. Is it ok to bring your new partner, or should it just be the biological parents who attend?

The most important thing to consider in making your decision should have nothing to do with you and your feelings. Now is the time to put your kids and their needs first.

If it's possible for you and your ex-spouse to be in the same room together without World War III erupting then I encourage you to do it. This is the best case scenario. But, if you truly know a conflict will occur, then it is in your child's best interest to avoid one another and continue to try to improve your abilities to co-parent in the future.

Because I know this is a touchy area, I'd like to suggest just a few other guidelines to help you make your decision:

Planning is the key - You know your ex and the buttons just seeing him/her might push for you, let alone if you end up having a conversation. Prepare yourself as best you can for this. Maybe plan a quick escape route if necessary. For most kids, just having you make an appearance is the key. You don't have to stand around for an hour in a situation that makes you highly uncomfortable.

Civility can go a long way - The good old "Golden Rule" is the key here. You don't have to stand around and have a long drawn out conversation, but being polite is required. Remember, you're there for your kids.

This is the time to take a long look at whether new partners should be there. If it will cause things to disintegrate into an argument, is it worth it? Again I caution you, this is not the time to "make a stand" about your new life and love. This is about a few hours dedicated to an event for your child.

Be creative - If this isn't a one time only event, then you don't have to go at the same time as your ex. It's perfectly acceptable to have 2 separate birthday parties for your child with their different sides of the family. Why put yourself through not only seeing your ex, but also their entire family!?

If it is the end of year awards program at school, or some other one time event, then nobody says you have to sit near your ex. Think about ways for you both to be there and not have to interact much.

Is this easy? Of course not! But there are going to be situations where your children are going to want both of you there. It adds a sense of normalcy for them. Is it always going to be possible? Probably not, but as often as you can make that happen, the better. Also, bear in mind that the first time will probably be the hardest. You'll have proven to yourself you can do it and the next time won't be as difficult.

You may be asking, "How can I discover other ways to successfully co-parent?" There are two answers: education and support.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_Johnson

©2009 Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success

Back To Article Index