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Executive Privileges

I met a man last year when I was traveling. Everybody inside the aircraft knew he was after me because he asked the person next to me to swap seats with him. I had no clue who he was until someone told me he's somebody, a wealthy and respected divorced businessman. I, on the other hand, am a struggling businesswoman.

That's when it started. He would call, and I would fly and see him. In short, I became like part of the furniture in any meeting room he was in. Most of the top people in his company know me and my role in his life. He introduces me to prominent people without a hint of embarrassment.

I asked myself a million times if he is for real. The answer is always yes. I can see he's so proud of me and adores me. He also invited me numerous times to his place in Africa where 90 percent of his investments are located, but I couldn't find the time.

When one of my projects required me to be away three months, he fell tired of phoning. I presumed he was gone, but remained faithful and single though temptations are all over the place and the queue is long. When my business plans didn't work out, I e-mailed him, thanking him for his friendship and telling him I was relocating to start afresh.

He begged and begged me to come to his place and help him in some areas of his business that he can't monitor. I accepted. I stay in his house, have my own room, and am treated like a queen. I was trying to figure out my place in his life, when I noticed something not right. Almost every morning I heard the sound of shoe heels in the corridor. There was no doubt the heels belonged to the lady who looks after his house.

I am not a jealous or suspicious person, so I tried to ignore it, but one day in the middle of a conversation I inquired. He said he could not answer. I was shocked. He tried to explain his difficult situation, the work he is doing, and the needs of a divorced person. I listened, but in the back of my head I was disgusted. I felt like throwing up.

I don't know if I am overreacting. The lady involved works for him for more than two years. I am a newcomer. But is it right to cheat on me-if that is the right term? He doesn't want me to leave, but for a fact I'm aware he won't get rid of her.

Margarita

Margarita, not jumping to conclusions may be a virtue, but that doesn't make a virtue of ignoring the obvious. We need to prize the obvious and act upon it. Every morning you ignored footfalls leaving his bedroom he thought you were accepting this arrangement.

The revulsion you experienced when you found out the truth is the same revulsion which compelled you to seek the truth. Now you are looking to understand his explanations and determine your response.

Evidence suggests that humans don't reason very well. And when we engage in motivated reasoning-searching for plausible arguments to justify our actions-our reasoning is even worse. His explanations to you justifying his behavior are more than poor, they are self-serving.

They don't explain how you arrived believing you were in an exclusive relationship with him. They don't explain why you were led to believe this relationship was moving to the next level. They don't explain why he thinks he can have you and his housekeeper.

The first time someone asks you to accept the unacceptable, it won't be the last time. It is the first time in a never-ending series. Though it's obvious the time for slapping his face has passed, you will be kicking yourself if you don't leave now.

Wayne & Tamara

©2005