Nowadays, it's a whole new ballgame in the relationship arena. In the past, women needed men for economic reasons, and were willing to mold themselves to please their men because, basically, they were getting paid to do so! Now, women earn their own money outside of the home, thereby putting a new twist on what they require or need from a relationship. Men now need to ask themselves, "what can I bring to this relationship that will induce the woman of my dreams to share my life?" Although it most probably would be easier to import a woman from a country which still places a value on the woman staying in the home and catering to her husband, if a man wants a woman in this country (the United States) he will have to change the way he thinks and maintains relationships. For some men, this will be too difficult a transition, and they will seek to acquire their women from another country rather than learning new behavior. And that's okay, but they need to be up front about it. You can't have your cake and eat it too, anymore. Most women will not be willing to bring home half the bacon, clean the house, cater to your needs, and be willing to be available for those sexual times that pop up when you decide you have nothing more exciting to do! Women want the same things men do...they want to be respected for who they are, they want you to be proud of them, and they want you to desire them. (And here's a hint, guys, the desire women want to feel from you is not what happens first thing in the morning when you wake up...that is a call to go to the bathroom) Women get really upset when you confuse the two actions, and then try to convince them that those two actions are one and the same. We do know the difference!

So, how do we make this work while trying to find someone through the internet? First of all, you have to know what it is you really want. If you want someone to cater to your every need, then say so. If you want someone who will look good on your arm, say so. There are some women who will still be willing to be a trophy wife.

If you want someone to respect you and to admire you, then be yourself. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are. Someone who will not criticize your habits, or try to fix your flaws....she will love your flaws because they are part of who you are. But you will not find her until you show her who you are. It is so much easier to be yourself, than to try to figure out what she wants, and then try to live up to it. The subterfuge becomes apparent the minute she believes your made up story, and then unknowingly pushes the wrong button.

I have a friend I met on the internet who says to me, "I like the way you think." You have no idea how good that makes me feel. Try it sometime.

For me, using the internet for the purposes of finding someone who might share my life, offers me unlimited opportunities to find out what my buttons are, and whether or not they are reasonable in light of my current situation. When I find that a button no longer serves the purpose for which it was created, I can let it go. If you are serious about finding that one relationship, the internet can certainly become a very useful tool.

©1999 Debbie Anderson

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