Trying to meet strangers, by whatever method, requires healthy doses of imagination, persistence, and self-confidence, plus the time it takes to conduct dating-site searches and e-mail correspondences or attend in-person events. It's often frustrating and discouraging, and it can be expensive. It's no wonder that many people find it easier to develop a relationship with someone they already know.

If you've worked with a person for any length of time, you already know a lot more about him than if you were to meet him tonight at a bar or read his profile on a dating site. True, the online profile might reveal information about his interests and his life history that you and other co-workers may not be aware of. But what you do know about him is more valuable. You've seen him in a variety of settings: at staff meetings, in the lunchroom, perhaps at the summer outing or the holiday party. You've probably heard things about him from other people at work. You've seen him when he's relaxed, and when he's under stress. You know how he treats people. You know if he's basically a good guy or a jerk. You have an educated guess as to what he'd be like if you were to go out with him.

Of course, if you find yourself becoming attracted to someone at work, you've got to be careful that any actions you take don't violate sexual harassment laws, or violate your company's policies. If one of you is the direct supervisor of the other, there is a high likelihood that any romance between you will lead to unfortunate results. Even if sexual harassment doesn't become an issue, other employees will be quick to seize on any evidence of favoritism, real or imagined. Gossip will run rampant. And what happens if and when you break up? How are the two of you going to re-establish a professional, arms-length relationship? Your romance can easily become a distraction to higher management, which is never a career-enhancing development.

I normally encourage flirting, and I think our society needs more of it, but flirting can be dangerous in the workplace. Flirtation involves smiles, compliments, and a certain attentiveness, all of which, unfortunately, can be misconstrued. What is a compliment to one person is sexual harassment to another. Be certain that the person you're complimenting is not known to be touchy about such things. Keep your compliments short and sweet, and stick to things that no reasonable person would consider intrusive or potentially offensive. ("That's a fabulous haircut!" should be OK. "That blouse looks great on you!" may not be). And if you're the person's direct supervisor, it's best to hold your tongue entirely.

If you can steer clear of the legal obstacles, the workplace remains a great venue for meeting people. As with anything else, of course, it's not going to automatically do anything for you unless you take affirmative steps to maximize your opportunities. One way is to let your co-workers know, in a casual way, that you're available. You don't want to sound desperate, but you want people to know you're interested in meeting someone.

Another way is to be visible and active. Depending on the size of your company, there may be opportunities to socialize with people during or after work hours. If your company has a lunchroom or cafeteria, eat there rather than alone at your desk, and don't automatically sit down to eat with friends of your own sex. If your company has an on-site gym, use it. Yes, I know a lot of people don't like to expose their bodily imperfections to people they work with. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And you're showing people that you care about your fitness and your health, which is a positive message to send.

©2008

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