Five Crucial Points Of Attraction
The Dating Wizard
I was thinking about some of the most IMPORTANT points that make a SERIOUS difference in getting results with women.
Points that most guys don't realize or that they tend to gloss over without understanding their full meaning and impact.
Here they are:
1. For most guys who are new to learning these skills, one of the challenges is that the states of mind they need to be in for the interaction are THE EXACT OPPOSITE of the states they actually feel in that moment.
So, to be precise, the state of being in a GREAT MOOD, and being PLAYFUL, and being COCKY in a GOOD NATURED SENSE, and being SEXUAL, well it all seems not only very DIFFICULT to be in that state when they are starting an interaction with a woman, but also, there is this wrong assumption that you have to ALWAYS be in this state, and so the guy feels he's not being HIMSELF.
And that can lead a guy to feel resentment, because he feels as if these girls are all LIGHT-HEADED and as if the ONLY thing they can think about is FUN, because when he goes in "serious" it never works very well at all.
This leads to more negativity, and more thinking of women as being "different" and crazy, bad, etc. Which makes him even MORE serious and makes him more bitter, etc. And so when he finally does make some effort at "playful", it's TOTALLY FORCED, totally not congruent, and his own bitterness and anger seeps through.
Which turns her off, and gives the guy more negative feedback, hurting his inner game even more.
So, for any guys out there that are in that situation right now, let me immediately say that IT'S NOT THAT WOMEN ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS, it's that HUMAN SOCIALIZING AND HUMAN SEXUALITY is most COMPATIBLE with this type of state of mind.
Look, the reality is that I am many DIFFERENT things. I can be deadly serious. I like serious stuff. One of my favourite movies of all time is The Sixth Sense. I'm not only all about the laughs, to say the least. There are a lot of other emotions that appeal to me besides playfulness and sexuality.
And sometimes, in some environments, going in for pure intrigue for the pickup can work fantastic. I use this sometimes as well.
However, what's CRUCIAL to understand is that you can't get turned on if you are feeling FEAR. So if you are chatting to a woman, getting her laughing is a great way to overcome the fact you are a stranger.
Also, even in general, the better a person is feeling, the more joy they will get out of EVERYTHING, including sex.
So for that reason as well, you want to put a woman into a BETTER STATE than the state she was in before she met you.
It leads to her more easily transitioning into a sexual vibe with you even from the GET GO of your conversation, interaction, etc.
So you see, you are not FAKING your personality by being playful, fun, sexual, etc, you are doing the only thing that makes SENSE for ANYONE.
To NOT be in the playful state is simply to be acting very strange indeed. Also, the truth is, you probably ARE a playful guy in OTHER situations, so it IS a dimension of your personality, it's just not coming across from you in your interactions with women right now, and you want to change that asap in order to get results.
Remember, this is PICK UP and ATTRACTION, so your interaction must be geared for THAT.
If this was about asking girls to teach you Einstein's Theory of Relativity, then you could go in all serious if you wanted. But this is about sexual stuff, attraction stuff, human emotion stuff.
VIBES are everything.
2. The point of learning TACTICS and lines is to HELP YOU GET ON YOUR FEET so you can pass the sticking points in your game. This way, once you pass the sticking points, once you get the result several times, you will start to see how all the infinite subtle details gel together as part of the big picture, and you will then no longer need specific "lines" or "tactics".
You will then be able to FAR EASIER get the SAME result instinctively. But the tactics helped you in the beginning.
There is nothing WRONG with tactics per se. My book and CD and even my live programs include many useful tactics as well as all the BIGGER PICTURE insights as well.
Regarding the "tactics" you will see from the way they are presented in the larger context of the program that they are meant only as a tool to get you to a realization of the bigger picture so that you will NOT need the "tactics" anymore.
It's a bit like working out with weights and "cheating" or getting a spotter to help you squeeze out a rep. You get some outside HELP to finish the rep of that exercise. But because you managed to finish the rep, your body gets the benefit of the exercise, and you grow to the point you don't need the spot or the cheat.
Of course, most people TOTALLY abuse the "cheating" or "spotting" principle, and similarly, most guys TOTALLY abuse the "tactics" for improving your skills with dating and attracting the kind of women you want.
When I first started out, I remember I thought there was only one way to kiss a girl that was reliable. The reality is that there are MILLIONS, but having a basic game plan in the beginning allowed me to GET to the whole kissing thing and beyond enough times that I realized that the truth is, a girl will kiss you as soon as she's attracted, period.
But in the beginning, your ego is fragile, so you make a big deal about creating a method to avoid any chance of rejection. But the funny thing is, after a while you get so good at this stuff that you realize that MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT THE KISS is in ITSELF A PROBLEM and is not attractive. It's needy, it's being too attached to the outcome of it all.
So you learn to totally stop thinking about that kind of thing and you basically are constantly escalating, and if you happen to escalate too fast a bit, you just chill out and let her catch up to that stage, and you go for it later.
But that doesn't mean learning "tactics" are useless, because as I said, they are a way to help prevent rejection which is something that a beginner cares more about since he doesn't have enough successes yet behind him to not care about it.
Similarly, from having so many interactions, I now have a cache of "lines" that I could use at any time that are virtually GUARANTEED to elicit certain emotional responses from attraction to bonding, etc. Because I am familiar with the delivery of them and the state of mind I said them in and because I know when to say it.
But the reality is that I don't NEED them, and in fact, I don't think about using them much except when I might be so exhausted and am running a pick up when I really should be sleeping. Or for example, if I want to play around with the internet and get girls to respond to ads and don't want to bother with much effort, I will just send out certain responses or messages to a bunch of girls and get a pretty good batting average off of that.
Again, though, it's more FUN to actually BE in the game, and not just be running it robotically, and of course your game runs even better when you are in the zone, for sure, because you can calibrate better to the exact specifications of the situation and of the girl's state.
3. This leads me to another REALLY important point:
THIS STUFF TAKES PRACTICE
A lot of guys who are not prepared to SERIOUSLY put some EFFORT into this, they want to get results from PURELY BEING A ROBOT.
They think there is some perfect, "How to get all chicks in a single bound of memorized tactic and lines".
That is simply RIDICULOUS. It's trying to oversimplify a very dynamic process.
What I DO believe in is TEACHING these skills using various approaches to learning, INCLUDING the use of models and paradigms to view attraction and the pick up process.
So yes, I do definitely use these models as PART of my instruction, but they are just one small tool. The models help give a guy a view of attraction and the pick up process, but no model can perfectly capture the INFINITE VARIETY of variables that can play out in an interaction between you and a woman.
However, the model CAN give you a beginner a useful VIEW of attraction, but being able to see many of the elements of attraction and the pick up process all at once as part of one model.
But that's all it is, a model.
FOR FULL INSIGHT AND EXCELLENCE, you have to understand and apply ALL THE PRINCIPLES.
To an extent, the answer to the "HOW" of pickup is in the "WHY". For example, let's say a guy wants to know how to kiss a girl.
Well, if he understands that, among many other things, that DOMINANCE is key, and he knows that her ANTI SLUT DEFENSE forbids her from taking responsibility for full escalation, and he knows that sexuality is unleashed when she is not thinking but rather FEELING, feeling GOOD, then he will understand that teasing her and getting her laughing and then escalating from holding hands to caressing her cheek to kissing is ONE good way of accomplishing that.
Obviously, understanding the FULL picture on dominance, the anti-slut defense shield, female culture and sexuality, sense of humor, etc, are KEY. THIS is the way to go for success in ALL situations with women, rather than trying to come up with a word-for-word SCRIPT for every situation. That would be ABSURD and not even EFFECTIVE as it would not allow for all the UNIQUE THINGS about that specific situation that you could work in SPONTANEOUSLY once you UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF.
So understanding the "WHY" is very important indeed in order to understand the HOW.
Of course, you want to make sure that you are getting the WHY explained by a guy who actually DOES THIS FOR REAL, WEEK AFTER WEEK, WITH REAL CLIENTS, IN THE REAL WORLD.
Otherwise, you may be getting a messed up picture that will ruin your results in the real world.
4. The fourth point I want to make clear here is the MASSIVE IMPORTANCE of having a life that you are passionate about BESIDES your dating life.
As passionate as you must be for success with women, you need to be JUST AS PASSIONATE about your OTHER goals in life.
Far too many guys get so swept up with the whole women thing, that they soon end up basing their SELF-ESTEEM on it, which opens them up to becoming vulnerable to depression, neediness, obsession, and other nasties, including kissing all the other good things in your life good bye. Such is the need for self-esteem, that if you base it on women, women will rule your life, and that can includes messed up women as well.
So, no matter what, you must MAINTAIN your sense of direction in life, and not let ANY woman, or women in general, affect that. Your direction, your path, your other passions, are what keep you grounded, and keep you strong.
This doesn't mean to not spend time on women, it just means not to lose your IDENTITY along the way.
And if you quit everything else about your life besides the women thing, then that other part of you ceases to exist.
The ironic thing about all this is that having an unshakeable sense of direction is actually VERY ATTRACTIVE to women. So in the end, this only helps your results with women as well.
Which leads me to the fifth point:
5. NEVER, EVER FORGET THE SEXUAL DIMENSION OF YOUR INTERACTION WITH WOMEN.
Remember, this is about leading to SEX. Other things too, perhaps, like a great relationship, but even that is still a SEXUAL thing, otherwise it would just be a friendship, right?
So what this means is that you have to MANHANDLE the interaction. Not in a caveman way, but in a dominant, yet upbeat and smooth way.
Women feel weird about leading the show towards sex. That's how they have been cultured, so it's up to YOU. Besides, do you really want women to take on that role? It's your privilege as a man. It's also your DUTY.
So if you act too anti-septic, too "nice" in that stereotypical way, to non-sexual, if you wait for HER to escalate, if you are afraid to ESCALATE even when the interaction is going well, because you care too much about her possible reaction and her rejecting the escalation, you will get NOWHERE.
It WON'T ESCALATE on it's OWN.
YOU have to make it happen, and you have to make it smooth as well. If you act like you are trying to accomplish something HARD, you are going to be giving off the wrong vibes.
So the idea is to act as if all this is NOT a big deal. If you make it seem like a big deal, it will make HER feel nervous and uncomfortable with you.
Finally, I'd like to say that ultimately, it's really all up to you. You have to WANT this to get good at it. Personally, I think that women, sex, and especially meeting the RIGHT woman and being with her, is an emotional experience that is INSANELY POWERFUL and enriching and well worth the effort.
If this is a goal you'd like to achieve, and you are prepared to WORK on it, instead of looking for a "magic line" then it's time you got yourself the finest education you can possibly get on this topic by ordering my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program.
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Till next time,
This program is DEVASTATINGLY effective for pick up, and is ALSO CRITICAL to your success with women LONG TERM.
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©2006 The Dating Wizard
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