Rejection! It's not about you. Just because you may not be right for someone...doesn't mean there is something wrong with you...it just means that you are not right for them (and most likely they are not right for you either!) But, oh, those awful, consuming feelings of rejection!

The first thing one must do, to understand why your relationship failed, is to not take blame. The "if I only", or "I should've done this differently", or "maybe if I had been more of that, or less of this"...bologna! In order to begin to realize this as a learning experience, and to avoid the same mistakes in the future, you must first understand the personality of your ex and, of course, of yourself. This brings amazing insights into the problems in your relationship, as well as improving yourself and your goals, and in making any future relationship a success.

Ending a relationship is pure grief. If your mate or spouse has passed on there is a finality that you must face. You are forced to accept and move on! If your mate or spouse is still around, especially where you may run into them, the grief is extended because there is always the longing that things will work out and you two will reunite. There is no acceptance! There is no finality that forces you to move on. You believe you have choices and options. This makes it much more difficult to let go and move from the grieving stage to an eventual point where you accept and move on. You cling to hopes, and what-if's; and write them letters, and poems; and look for excuses to call them and plea for another chance; or create opportunities to make him/her jealous in foolish hopes that he/she may "wake up" and come rushing back to your arms. NOT! All you really end up doing is stripping yourself of your dignify, resenting your ex more, and still you haven't moved on with your life. You breathe them, you sleep them, you think them, you dine with them in your mind, you fantasize of them--you basically are a zombie ruled by foolish hopes and endless questions. A puppet and slave to your heart, not your common sense, not your brain. You rehearse chance meeting scenes in your head. You hug your pillow and pretend it's your ex. You purposely get up early to get gas at the service station that your ex MUST pass on their way to work at the exact precise time they are expected to pass in hopes of seeing them. You call in sick at work and stay home moping and reveling in your pain. And face it, sometimes pain feels good, right? Why else would we force ourselves to look at old photos, or spy on them and their new flame, or rehash good times. Because crying feels bad? Of course not! Grief is good. It cleanses our souls. It teaches us compassion. It teaches us humility. It is a great avenue to self-discovery, and without this grieving process we could never move on to a better relationship. We could never discover our own flaws and faults and we could never gain the insight into being more selective of certain traits in future partners. But most of all grieving teaches us to love OURSELVES, and nurture ourselves, and stand on our OWN! The trick to passing over is acceptance, interception, diversion, and will!

First let's explore the main personality flaws of people. You may find your partner in only one, or in (God forbid) all of them. Hopefully, you'll be honest enough with yourself to pick out some of your own flaws and work to better them, too. You cannot change your mate, but you can change yourself. By reading the 'Who We Are' page you may gain enough insight to be able to single out certain personality traits (in your mates) that you tend to be drawn to and maybe possibly learn how to avoid these types in the future.

Continue on to Who We Are...

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