
Can You Be Friends With Someone You Have Stopped Dating?
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When the person you are dating is not your ideal match, is the next thing to do stop the dating that person? Many people express distress about ending the dating relationship and an inferred requirement to end any association with that man or woman. Let's review:
Let me tell you a story that makes this much more complex than a philosophical question: I have a young colleague who has been dating a woman for a number of weeks. They enjoy each other's company very much. They share common interests and have a good time together. He called me recently to tell me he was very sad. He had come to recognize that there was no future w/ this special lady. They are both professionals, mature and very clear about who they are and what they need and want in a partner. My young friend is crystal clear that he wants children. His special lady loves being an aunt to 5 nieces and nephews and has absolutely no interest in having children of her own. It is important to him that his life partner be as passionate and enthusiastic as he is about family and co-parenting (he holds a very high value for family/children). This is an unsolvable problem. My young friend is correct. He must end the dating relationship. However, he and his lady friend might be able to change the nature of their relationship.
The ball is now in her court. She really likes him and from everything he says, she probably thinks he is a pretty close match.
I hope you can begin to see that changing the nature of a relationship, staying friends with someone with whom you've been emotionally involved, can be tricky. It can be done if both people have a commitment to honor their values and requirements, the courage to tell themselves and the other person the truth, and the willingness to stay engaged in the process! Only you can make it happen!
Dr. Jackie's Coaching Mission:
Dr. Jackie's mission is to challenge you to explore the old beliefs, old expectations and outdated values which cause you pain; to awaken you to the new realities of relationships; to revitalize you so that you will be ready to welcome the ideal partner when he or she comes into your life; and provide tools to couples based on a contemporary model for marriage and commitment. www.DrJackieBlack.com1.888.792.6224 ©2003 Show All Articles By Dr. Jackie Black, Ph.D.
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