Question From A Reader:

What and when are the best time and way to ask a girl for a date? A lot of my friends tell me that the best way is to become a friend with her at first and then to try to "deepen" the realtinship. But what I do is when I meet a girl that I am intersted in, I ask her out if not immediately, I do it the day after. And I always get rejected.

What do u think?

Ivan

My Response:

Hi Ivan,

Well, there's a definite school of thought for both sides of that argument. But in a way, I think it's a loaded question. But I'll try to answer it the best I can.

What this really depends on is the type of girl you're going after and the manner in which you ask her out.

So we'll tackle the first part now:

The Type Of Girl

Okay, now when I say "type of girl," I'm not talking about who she is (blonde, brunette, 5'7 tall, etc.). I'm talking about how INTO you she is.

See, if a girl likes you, it doesn't matter when you ask her out. She's going to say YES.

But if she's on the fence, ambivalent to you, or maybe not all that attracted to you (yet), she may need a little more time for you to "work your magic" on her before she'll agree to go out with you.

So before you ask a girl out, try to figure out where she's at on the "I'm Into You" spectrum. It WILL affect your outcome.

Now onto the second part:

The Way You Ask Her Out

This is very important, because it's where most guys make a mistake. There is a certain strategy to asking a girl out that can be successful 99% of the time, and I'll share it with you right here.

Regardless of whether she's into you or not, it's important that you display your desire for her. Now, I'm not saying you have to be drooling all over her in lust -- but I am saying you need to FLIRT with her.

Flirting is important because it will subcommunicate your intentions. Too often, men will hide the fact they like a girl, and then when they do finally ask her out, the girl is surprised and scared because it seemed to have come out of left field.

When you flirt with a girl, what you're doing is "priming the pump" for the date. So when you DO ask her out, she's ready for it and in some ways, expecting it. This will totally bypass that "Shocked deer in headlights" look most women will give you when they're suddenly asked out by a guy.

When you try befriending a girl first, you run the risk of getting pegged in that dreaded "let's just be friends" category. But if you're flirtatious and the girl knows your intentions (even if its on a subconscious level), you will be able to avoid that pitfall because you're making it clear from the beginning that you want to be more than just friends. So if the girl you're working on requires more time, do the work, but don't completely cloak your intentions.

Also, don't do the "Would you like to go out sometime?" line to ask a girl out. That's a TOTALLY loaded question because it instantly snaps her into the "dating" mindset.

You may want to date a girl, but you don't want it to FEEL like dating, because there are all sorts of preconceived notions about dating that can work against you in the long run.

When you ask a girl out, try doing it indirectly. Saying something like "Hey, I'm going to this great concert (or movie, or bar, or whatever) tomorrow night. Why don't you come along?" or "Hey, what are you doing for dinner on Thursday? I know this great place that I think you'd love!"

When you ask a girl out like this, you are, in fact, asking her out on a date, but you're bypassing all the "expectations" of dating. It helps keep things light and fun while getting you the same result.

If you want to know more about how to tell if a girl is into you, how to effectively flirt with a girl, and how to ask a girl out on a date, you should definitely check out my book, The Art Of Approaching. I go into great detail on all the preliminary steps you need to take to get the women you want.

If you haven't gotten my book yet, what are you waiting for? The time to learn how to get more women is now!

Click Here To Download Your Copy Today

Good luck! Happy dating!

©2005 Joseph Matthews

Back To Article Index

Home
Articles
Columns
Products
Poems
Submit Your Article
Newsletter
Links