The Singles Cafe
The Singles Cafe
The Art of ForgivenessbyRecovering from any kind of betrayal is never easy. When it comes to forgiving her husband for his affair, iVillager Julie wonders: "Am I letting him get off too easy? Should I be making him suffer more? I'm very torn about where mercy and being a doormat differ." And she's certainly not alone. No matter what the issue once was, forgiveness is always a difficult -- but real -- part of relationships. And knowing where to start is often the hardest part. Many people think that they must just let go of the past to move on. Along with causing grief and trepidation, that approach limits personal growth. Plus, memories and traces of the past are always with us -- for some as wounds, for others as treasures. But, when we try to block out the past from our lives, it resurfaces at the oddest times: Old patterns return as unfinished lessons yet to be learned. Rather than hate a period of our life, the person we "used to be" or people we've met along the way, learn to find the way each experience helped us become strong. When we take this approach our entire life opens up and we begin to build bridges naturally. Then, each person we meet -- whether we like them or not -- becomes another bridge, a new way to deepen the love and understanding we become capable of. The most important bridges are the ones that allow us to forgive another, to make peace with the pain we've suffered, and to allow resentment and judgment to subside. How can we forgive?
When our own loving hearts are fully developed, we can fulfill our own expectations and whatever else we are yearning for. Only after we've forgiven are we free to let new people and experiences into our world. Only then are we free to truly live in the present. ©2008 Show All Articles By Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D.Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist and psychoanalyst, is the relationship expert on www.ivillage.com, and a Barnes and Noble University Online Professor. She is a top-selling author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and others. She has conducted over 500 workshops and talks regionally and nationally, which have been widely acclaimed. Check out her ebooks
Back To Article IndexSave Your Relationship
"The Proven Practices Of Successful Relationships"Based upon 30 years of providing therapy, couples counseling, and relationship guidance as a psychologist, I've realized how much hurt and disappointment comes from unfulfilled hopes, misunderstandings and lack of real communication. All of these problems can be effectively overcome. What is first needed is to understand and apply the basic (though often hidden) laws of successful relationships. These laws and guidelines, taught to you with user friendly, step-by-step methods, have proven to be profoundly successful for those who have followed my self help program. Save Your Relationship is designed to help a myriad of relationship difficulties. For those who feel as though their relationships repeatedly fail, to singles seeking to find the perfect partner, to married couples seeking to save their relationships - this program is the key to unlocking the power within us all to creating and having the extraordinary relationships you always dreamed of. |
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