Many months into dating the man who became my husband, we were having such a good time that he suggested a little trip. Fares to Europe were at an all time low, the weather was getting warmer and so, he asked, how about a long weekend in London? What followed was a heady elixir of walks through Hyde Park, a stop at Claridges' and the 'veritas' that comes with a second glass of vino. Suddenly I found myself spontaneously gushing about how comfortable I was with him--and with our relationship. In less than a nanosecond, there was an audible hush in the room. He tightened his lips, and with the look of a man in the throes of severe constipation, he blurted out, 'Well, it's a little soon...I uh...I wouldn't call this a relationship ...um...We're just having a good time.'

I carefully spooned the mashed potatoes out of my lap, and in lightening speed, added him front and center to the parade of bozos that had already streamed through my life. I regained my composure when I realized that there was a strong disconnect between this man's words and his actions: For nearly six months he had been a considerate and loving boyfriend. Now, all of a sudden, he was a considerate and loving boyfriend who was sounding like an ass, so I took a deep breath and chalked it all up to bravado. Of course, I called him on it on the walk home, this time finding myself more annoyed than chastened when he proceeded to articulate his laid-back view of us. So I bade my time, watching as his thoughtfulness spoke louder than any pronouncements from that pea brain, and less than a month later, he declared he was in love with me. The smug satisfaction I'd planned to savor was eclipsed by joy so enormous and a hug so fierce, I nearly broke his ribs.

Lately, I've been hearing from single women who say they are confused as to whether they are on the cusp a relationship, already in one, or not even close. "How can I tell if he's really into me and if this is going anywhere?" they ask. Despite the growing parity between the sexes, research indicates women still push for exclusivity much sooner than men. They feel compelled, on some level, to have that big discussion, a rite of passage that will codify their seriousness to each other and to the world. Unfortunately, anecdotal evidence suggests that bringing up the subject not only doesn't resolve things, it leads to a palpable strain; the female pushes for the next level while the male sits pretty in a soup called status quo.

So how can you tell if your guy is committed to you, without posing a question that may send him heading for the hills, or worse, verbally eviscerating what you already have?

It's not hard if you allow his actions to speak for him.

Top 21 Signs Of A Man Who Loves You Romantically

1. He reaches for your hand when you walk together.
2. He eagerly introduces you to people he already knows.
3. His friends act warmly toward you.
4. He doesn't like pets, but makes an exception when it comes to yours.
5. He makes himself available to spend lots of his free time with you.
6. He buys you a gift, or flowers, for no reason.
7. He gives you a pet name and uses it often.
8. He calls you throughout the day, just to touch base.
9. He is always accessible on his cell if you need him.
10. He gets off the line to take your call.
11. He knows what your goals and dreams are.
12. He doesn't complain if you take an extra five minutes getting ready.
13. He enjoys cooking for you.
14. He listens to you when you read something from the Sunday paper.
15. His face lights up when you enter the room.
16. He asks you your feelings and interests, and listens to the answer.
17. You never for a moment doubt his fidelity or sense he is keeping secrets.
18. He enjoys surprising you.
19. You're never unclear about when you'll be seeing him.
20. He has introduced you to his family.
21. He remembers things you've told him about yourself.

This is nothing more than a handy checklist of what real love looks like. You don't have to memorize it, or carry it around, because your heart will give you all the answers you need.

If you're ever in doubt about how he feels, ladies-Don't ask! Just open your eyes a little wider. A man who truly loves you lightens your load, he doesn't add to it.

©2008

Back To Article Index

Home
Articles
Columns
Products
Poems
Submit Your Article
Newsletter
Links