Thinking of an affair? Then think again.
Many persons turn to an affair as a means of coping with a poor marriage. There are websites available to help married persons meet other married persons for such purposes. These websites cite statistics suggesting that since affairs occur in such great numbers, the behaviour is thus normal and therefore acceptable.
Well, that's just evidence of "stinkin thinkin", or as the psychologists would say, "cognitive distortions." (A cognitive distortion is the lie we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that something is OK when clearly it is not.)
There are two kinds of affairs, emotional and sexual. In both instances, the person breaches a sacred trust with their marriage partner. They go outside the marriage to share intimate feelings or sexual behaviour. By definition, affairs are secretive and deceitful. They are fully withheld from the marriage partner. They are a betrayal of the trust that forms the basis of all marital vows and monogamous relationships.
Affairs, as a strategy for coping with a poor marriage do not work. They undermine the integrity of the marriage and the individuals involved. There is tremendous damage done to the sense of trust between the partners that may never be recovered. Further, the individuals involved have compromised their personal integrity and must live with that very serious blemish for the rest of their lives. This is a heavy personal burden - knowing they have acted deceitfully and are now untrustworthy when trust matters most.
In addition to the impact on the marital partner and the individuals involved, children also suffer. The children are witness to the indignity suffered by the parent and they too experience betrayal. Children expect their parents to act properly as role models of virtue and moral behaviour. We teach our children not to lie or deceive. However, affairs are the very opposite of this teaching and hence significantly undermine the relationship and parental authority of the parent having the affair.
Some parents defend their behaviour, falling back on the excuse of a poor marriage. Yet, we teach our children there is no right way to lie or hurt another person. As a result of an affair, a number of parents lose the relationship with their children. Marital fidelity is a line in the sand that cannot be crossed without serious consequences.
If you are experiencing marital problems, do not add to them with an affair. Follow this protocol:
Not all marriages work. How the break-up of a marriage is dealt with will have profound implications for resolving matters amicably or with further conflict. It will also determine parents' future relationships with their children and even grandchildren.
Thinking of an affair? Think again.
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. He is in private practice (Interaction Consultants), writes and provides workshops and is the developer of the "I Promise Program" - teen safe driving initiative. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider Gary an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. His opinion helps resolve child custody and access matters.
Gary's services include counselling, mediation, assessments, assessment critiques and workshops. Search his name on GOOGLE.COM to view his many articles or go directly to his website: www.yoursocialworker.com where you can view his CV, read his many article and view video clips of his many television appearances.
This is a highly emotional time in your life but you can't let emotion cloud your judgment. A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce will help you look at your situation logically and impartially.
Ask yourself, "Why aren't I making the decision to do something about my own situation, one way or the other?"
Only you know the answer to that question.
Deciding whether or not to get divorced is a big decision.
But, the truth is, if you do nothing, your situation won't change for the better, it will only get worse.
If you don't decide, you are contributing to the problem and that is flat out unhealthy for you. If you're thinking about divorce and just aren't doing anything about it you're painfully cheating yourself out of your time and your happiness.
Anyone can use this plan to make this decision because it is made up of psychological insights that we all have inside us but may not necessarily be aware of or utilize.
End your indecision..read A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce.
Submit Your Article
Getting Ex Back
Business and Finance
by Larry James
by Wayne & Tamara Mitchell
Dr. Dennis W.Neder
by Dr. Dennis W.Neder
Ask The Coach
by Toni Coleman
You can get the relationship of your dreams . . . and it?s easier than you think!
But don't give up on the marriage!
There is an alternative to divorce.