On Your 17th Birthday.. Jessica

From Poppa Henry

March 6th, 2008

Dear Jessica,

Let me first congratulate you on this, your 17th Birthday! I say 'congratulate' because at this point you will be completing one phase of your life and will be spending the next year preparing for the next phase of your life.

It is always a wise thing, when completing a phase, to reflect back on the time spent that brought you to this point. From the time you were a baby until you were fifteen, you were a child. Not much was really required of you other than that you focus on learning the basics in life and do a few chores around the house. For the most part, your Mom and I provided everything truly important in regards to your life. That is what parents do. Upon becoming fifteen you then became an adolescent. An adolescent is not exactly a little child, but is not yet an adult either. As an adolescent you were given more responsibility and a bit more freedom in return.

Now, upon turning seventeen, you are becoming a 'young adult'. Not quite an adult yet with either the legalities, pressures or freedoms of being an adult.. but no longer an adolescent either. As you can see, the older you get, the amount of independence and self-sufficiency increase along with your freedoms and responsibilities. For this reason it is a good thing to reflect now on how far you've come in order to appreciate just how much you have at stake in the decisions you'll be making over the next few years to begin shaping your life into young adulthood.

I will tell you the same things I have shared with your brothers Nathan, Jason and Justin when they reached your age. I do this to prepare you and encourage you because I care about your life. I have been down the paths of decisions you will soon face. So has your Mom. You can choose to learn from your own bad decisions and mistakes, but a truly wise person will learn from other people's experience and save themselves much heartache and pain by doing so.

The first thing I will share with you is this; 'Be yourself.' This was the first piece of the best advice I was ever given when I was your age. Do not let your decisions be based on what others expect of you. Do not pretend to be something you are not. Be honest with yourself and have the courage to make choices that You can live with. Because, the way life works.. You will be the one at the end of the day who has to live with your choices, not anyone else.

The second thing I will share with you is this; 'Have a plan. Think it through and then do it.'. Unfortunately most young people skip forward to the 'doing' part and then realize too late that they never really had a plan or a defined goal. Even with a goal you need to think through 'how' you will accomplish your goal. It will take time. It will take money. It will take effort. There is no way around this basic law of life and those who try to shortcut the system will find themselves ruined. If you are short on money, make up for it with time and effort. But spend the next year thinking about what you want in life. Find out from others what is required to get to where you want to be in regards to career, life, etc. and make changes to your plan as you go along. It's okay to change the plan, in fact even a good plan will need to be modified as you learn new things and get new opportunities. But always have a plan.

The third thing to remember is this, 'Remember your priorities.'. You will soon be experiencing many new things. You will begin to realize what independence and freedom can mean as you live on your own. You will run into other people your same age who are drunk with freedom and they will go out of their way to abuse it. Don't let those people ruin your life along with their own. Remember.. your own health and your own future are more important than seeing how far you can push your freedoms. Too many young adults have ended up paralyzed, in prison, addicted to drugs or dead because they didn't have the courage or good sense to keep their priorities in check when using their freedoms. Life teaches some hard lessons, so if you value your future and your health, remember them when making decisions about using your freedoms.

You have a lot of opportunities ahead of you to improve your life and find what you want. I believe you are up to the challenge if you keep your head in the right place. Whatever you want to become, there is a place to learn it and become good at it. Apply the time, effort and money required and you will reach your goals. Life only gives you what you earn.

So, my best gift to you on this your birthday is this advice.. spend this year thinking and dreaming to make a plan that You feel good about. It is not up us, as parents, or any close friend or boyfriend to make the final decisions in planning your life because only You know yourself better than anyone else. Only You will enjoy the benefits or suffer the consequences. It is okay to ask for ideas, get information, ask advice.. but in the end, never let anyone else make your life decisions for you.

Your Mom and I love you and are here to help as best we can as you prepare for your future.

Poppa Henry.

©2008

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